By Kevin Repass
Getting sober after a break-up in a long-term relationship was one of the most difficult challenges I ever had to overcome. As a former addict and alcoholic, it is unfortunate that I knew nothing about codependency and addiction until I went into treatment. A break up can easily send someone into a mental and emotional tailspin. I suffered from the dual diagnosis of bipolar and substance misuse disorder which only fueled the fire. I happened to hit a rock bottom like never before.
The two most difficult elements of a break-up are acceptance and forgiveness. I was unable to accept that this person was no longer a part of my life. A lot of this was due to the fact that this person was my best friend for years. We did everything together which slowly but surely became rather unhealthy. Looking back, I wish I had given us more time and space for ourselves. I had difficulty forgiving not only her for leaving me but myself as well. I felt like a failure. I did not just let her down, I let myself down. I was dealing with a low self-esteem and self-hatred like never before. I could not stand to look in the mirror. I despised the person I was.
My substance abuse certainly played a role in the outcome of her leaving me. I was dealing with a lot of guilt and shame due to the fact that I was unable to see that I had a problem. I was unable to accept that she had given up after she promised she wouldn’t. For the longest time I felt half of me was missing. I was dealing with extreme depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I reached a point of insanity to where I was hearing echoes of every hurtful word in my head. I felt as if the only way to drown my demons was with drugs and alcohol. I was self-medicating in a desperate attempt to kill the pain. I was unable to stop. I wanted my addiction to send me to an early grave. The only way to get sober was for me to acknowledge, realize and accept that I was a drug addict and alcoholic. Moreover, I was unhealthily codependent. I decided enough was enough. I had to put an end to the pitfalls I frequently found myself in. I was tired of my addiction ruining my life, myself and the ones I loved. My family offered to get me into a detox and treatment center after a close call with death.
I used to not believe that everything happens for a reason. I have always had to learn my lessons in life the hard way. If it was not for this particular relationship, I probably would have never been able to get or stay sober. I learned a lot about myself, my flaws and the error of my ways in recovery. Getting sober has helped me learn to live, laugh and love again. I have slowly but surely been able to see the positives out of all the negatives. I definitely still have my days where I wish life happened differently but I have no choice but to accept and forgive others…but most importantly myself.
Kevin Repass is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. He is a writer for a south Florida-based company dedicated to providing resources and information to all those struggling with drug and alcohol addiction.
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
