Give yourself permission to feel
I call it being “unplugged”. When life has hurt us so much, we learn to detach emotionally. This strategy or defense mechanism works for a while but the long term consequences are a life of feeling numb. No highs, no lows just plateauing. I see it as a waste of life. We are meant to feel. Our brains are designed in such a way that emotions have their own special area in the brain for processing.
According to a new study by Cornell University, neuroscientist Adam Anderson revealed, “We discovered that fine-grained patterns of neural activity within the orbitofrontal cortex, an area of the brain associated with emotional processing, act as a neural code which captures an individual’s subjective feeling”.
Most of our hang-ups and issues come from unprocessed feelings – exactly what we don’t want but what we invite when we detach. Behind every self limiting belief, fear and negative assumption lies a feeling that has not been dealt with, that has been suppressed.
We deal with this by drinking too much alcohol, over eating, gambling to excess,doing drugs, indulging in affairs and so on… escapism becomes the next best thing but it is so destructive. The alternative?…give yourself permission to feel again. Often, under addictive behaviour is a feeling of fear and inadequacy.
Be aware of the urge to turn to a typical behaviour that you might engage in to avoid feeling. Try to stay in the moment and feel instead of running from it. Allow it to pass naturally – you will find you can handle it. You will be changing your unhealthy patterns of coping into more healthy ways to cope and feel. Breathe deeply, learn to tune in to your mind and body. The more in tune you are, the more you will be able to listen to your inner wisdom and function correctly. When we escape we never learn to trust ourselves and our decisions are based on incorrect signs. We become confused and fractured and this sends us even further off the right ‘whole’ path. Get used to embracing your emotions, good and bad, they are part of you and they help you to feel alive.
Rather be ‘plugged in’ and feel you are living (experiencing the highs and lows of life) than sleep walk through life feeling numb, detached and addicted to unhelpful behaviours that keep you stuck and ultimately miserable.
Mandy X
References:
https://mediarelations.cornell.edu/2014/07/09/study-cracks-how-the-brain-processes-emotions/
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
