We all change to some degree when we arew in a relationship. When we care about another person, we will make more effort to enjoy things that they like and their personality certainly influences how we think and behave.
When a relationship isn’t healthy though, you’d think that you would know where your boundaries lie and what you would accept and refuse. This isn’t exactly true in reality.
Where there is abuse, be it in the form of physical or emotional abuse, we can slowly sink into it without realising. What happens is that we become accustomed be being treated badly and the behaviour becomes ‘normalised’. Abusers are very clever, they are subtle and the abuse slowly creeps up.
After you are emotionally hooked, there will start to be criticisms of you. Perhaps it will be about your cooking, cleaning or how you conduct yourself in general. Abusers know how to instil self doubt in you. It all seems to be your fault and in this way you start to try harder to please them.
Most abusers are selfish, it’s all about them. You will never be able to be what they want. This is because their thinking is distorted and their expectations are unrealistic.
Abusers are often insecure in themselves and they seek control in a relationship in order to feel secure. You will become an emotional punching bag.
If you suspect that your relationship is unhealthy, speak to someone. Get some perspective. Everyone deserves love and respect.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
