How good is your relationship?

Relationships come in all shapes and sizes. Some people cohabit, others live apart, some are married. Others accept polygamy and then others have secret affairs. I have seen all sorts.

At times, we go into rebound relationships and don’t admire, love and/or respect our partner as much as we could. Sometimes, when we have been a relationship a while, we become complacent or we get used to the familiarity of the relationship, even if the quality of the relationship has deteriorated. I have put a check-list together for you to assess whether your relationship is good or not.

• Are you able to be yourself around your boyfriend/girlfriend or do you tend to be someone completely different to the ‘true’ you? Do you try to be what you think they expect you to be?

• Do you ever feel tempted to snoop? Do you ever check their mobile phone/emails etc? If you do, this is a negative thing. Relationships need to be based on trust.

• How many things would you change about your partner? Nothing, one or two things or many things? If you want to change too much about your partner  you may be with the wrong person.

• Do you find yourself making excuses to others for your partner’s behaviour?

• How is physical intimacy between you? Do you feel connected and bonded? Some couples do manage without sex and it can work as long as BOTH partners want the same thing.

• How often do you argue? If you argue regularly, it may be a bad sign.

• What are the arguements like? Are you able to calmly discuss most things or do you tend to get insulting with each other? Do you feel able to resolve your conflicts amicably?

• Do you share similar political and religious views? The more similar your views, the better.

• Do you share a similar lifestyle/attitude when it comes to socialising/going out? The more similar you are, the better.

• Do you often feel that you are walking on ‘eggshells’ around your partner? Feeling on edge around a partner is not ideal.

• If you or your partner became interested in a new hobby, would you support and encourage each other? Encouraging independence outside of the relationship is healthy.

• How do you both get on with each other’s respective family/friends? This isn’t a deal breaker in general but it can cause issues in the long term and may be an indication that you aren’t similar in your outlook.

• What type of conversations do you have? Do you discuss your day and offer support and encouragement to each other? If your conversations are superficial and you don’t connect emotionally and mentally, you could find you are growing apart after a while. When there will be too little in common, this usually causes trouble in the long run.

• Do you genuinely respect each other?

Most of all you should feel loved and supported by your partner. You should bring out the best in each other, enjoy each other physically and enjoy each other’s company.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.