Personally and professionally, how men and women communicate differently has been a major focus. In my own personal life, there have been many times when I have agonised over what the guy I was dating was thinking. Did he like me? Didn’t he like me? Did he miss me? Did he want to commit or not? Should I text now or should I wait? I have seriously tortured myself at times trying to mind-read what the man in my life was thinking. The more I cared the more I would try to figure out what he was thinking. I know I am not alone in this as I have many friends who go through the same rigmarole of second-guessing their partner. It can drive you crazy after a while. I do have some comforting news for you though.
It’s common knowledge that men and women communicate differently. This is a generalisation but when you consider all the factors you may find it easier to obtain peace of mind. Acknowledging that a man may not necessarily reach the same conclusion you do in the same situation allows for more possibilities in life. Women feel better by talking but men often prefer to go silent and work through issues in their own time. Giving a man space can help him sort out his emotions and feel close to you again. Try not to be needy – you will get your chance to revisit things.
Focus
Men focus on different things to women. Of course, you get your sentimental, sensitive guys but many men just don’t look at life the way a woman does. For instance, a man generally doesn’t focus on texting and kisses on texts as much as a woman does. A woman will overanalyse the frequency of texts she receives and will examine the minutiae of a text to the point of insanity. What do those words mean? Does that mean he is hinting that he is keen or is he just being friendly? Men tend to be more straightforward and play fewer ‘games’ than a woman expects. If it’s not in their communication, it’s highly, probably that they just aren’t thinking of it. At times you do need to be incredibly straightforward if you want a straightforward answer. men aren’t that good at reading between the lines.
What to do:
Try not to over analyse texts from men. Texts are a limited form of communication and there is only so much that you can glean from a text. Texts are notoriously known for conveying the incorrect message as we don’t know the intonation of the message. All we have are written words without any body language to assist us.
If a guy responds to you quickly after you have texted that’s often a good sign. You can tell more about a person if they are ignoring you or only responding when you text them first. In these instances, the other person may be trying to create distance. This should be considered but it is also important to think about the fact that they may just be very busy. This brings me onto the next topic:
Multi tasking
It’s well known that most men aren’t good at multi-tasking. When men are in ‘achievement mode’ they can become pretty one-track-minded. If they are involved in a business deal at work, if they are moving house or have any other mind-occupying task going on, they can become less attentive. Women often jump to the conclusion that the man in their life loves them less but this could be far from the truth.
Women tend to feel emotions far more intensely than men when it comes to love and relationships but just because a guy isn’t calling you every day and being super needy (the way a woman might be) doesn’t mean they don’t care. Men are taught from an early age to be independent and strong. This gets programmed into men and affects the way they relate to women in relationships.
Values
Values guide our behaviour. If a man values freedom or he is selfish, he isn’t going to respond well to any responsibility or financial pressure from a woman. If he values romance and loves highly, you might be one of the lucky ones who finds a sentimental loving man. You will know what a man values by quietly observing him for some time. His actions will always speak louder than his words.
Sentimentality
Some men are just more romantic and sensitive than others. The upside is that these men tend to have more empathy and are more open to talking and communicating. On the downside, they can be quite needy, emotionally volatile and sometimes more jealous than the average man. Yep – it seems there truly is good and bad to every situation.
If you are dating a man who is mysterious, that can be attractive but also frustrating. If you are dating someone who is more ‘masterful’ and in charge that can be thrilling but then he might also be quite controlling and overbearing.
One thing that I have learned since becoming a therapist is that NO situation is 100% perfect. Wealthy men tend to be more selfish and see women as ‘objects’ to pick up and put down when it suits them. Men with less wealth may be more attentive but then they may lack ambition…see what I mean?
How to protect yourself
Focus on what you CAN CONTROL. The only thing you can control is what you say and do. You choose what you want to think and how you wish to react. When it comes to your current partner or an ex-partner, you have no control over what they think or what they do. It makes sense therefore to focus on yourself.
Be the best version of yourself. Get healthy, educate yourself and make sure you have a good group of friends around you. If you don’t, join a group – nature walking, business networking, pottery, yoga…whatever takes your fancy. Fill your life up so that a man doesn’t occupy the central position. That’s a big mistake to make!
Keep improving the person you are, create short-term and long-term goals, and create an action plan.
Sure – it’s great to be in a relationship. If your current relationship is hard work though, ask yourself why this is. Are you staying because you fear being alone? Is being alone temporarily worse than a never-ending miserable future with someone who puts you down or makes you feel unloved and/or inferior? Many people stay out of fear – “better the devil you know” seems to be a common theme tune for many. Life is too short though to live fearfully.
Remember that you entered this world alone and you will leave it alone. Being alone doesn’t need to be scary. Rather live life on your terms than sacrifice your true nature to keep someone else happy. I know many people who are ‘stuck’ in unhappy relationships. They have mainly stayed for financial reasons but they aren’t being true to themselves and many of them live lives that feel empty.
Take it one day at a time and believe that the right person is out there for you. There’s no need to rush. believe that everything is unfolding just as it’s meant to.
Mandy X
Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
