cognitive behavioural therapy; psychology; relationship counselling

How to be popular

How to be popular

Popular people seem to have this magic energy around them. They make friends wherever they go and people warm to them easily. Have you ever wondered what it is that they do that gives them this advantage? How to be popular is something that many people want to know more about…

The first thing that’s important to understand is that popular people have a good attitude towards others. They generally perceive strangers as trustworthy until proven otherwise and this shows in their interactions with others. They give off positive body language and this sends out the rgiht messages allowing others around them to relax and not feel judged.

If you have preconceptions that people are untrustworthy, you certainly won’t possess that magic that makes some people popular. You have to start with a neutral outlook and believe in the good in others. This doesn’t mean you have to be naive but it does mean that you possess optimism about the general qualities of others.

Show a genuine interest

People LOVE to talk about themselves. So ask them all about what they like and find out more about who they are. When you are genuinely interested in other people’s life stories you will find that others warm to you. We all like to feel valued and showing a genuine interest in someone else is a huge compliment. Especially in a world where we have become so task-orientated, it makes a refreshing difference when someone takes the time to focus on you.

Let your barriers down

Be real and forget about your own hangups. People are far more likely to warm to you if you are down to earth and can make fun of yourself. When we can be open about our own flaws, we show ourselves as fallible humans and that can be very inviting to others. It allows them to show their vulnerable side too and you can speed up the process of getting to know someone well. We are all imperfect and it makes you far more relatable when you show yourself to be human like the rest of us.

Relate person-to-person

As Carl Jung famously said, “We are all in this soup together”. He was referring to the fact that we all live messy lives and experience many of the same things – happiness, sadness, fear and rejection. So even when we don’t know someone, we can safely assume that we will have many experiences in common with strangers. When we see life this way, it makes it easier to start conversations with strangers. We are all subjected to the crazy mess on this planet called Earth. We are all far more similar than we realise. Form that common bond and you will have a life long friend.

Listen well

Life gets so busy that we often think about what we want to say back rather than really listening to others when they talk to us. Stop what you are doing, focus on others and use that time to make them feel as if they are the only other person on the planet. That is a huge compliment to anyone and will make them feel valued and special. Don’t give in to distraction.

Be kind

Look for the best in others. I have never met anyone who doesn’t like to feel important or appreciated. Compliment others and show acceptance. This will help them to feel they can trust you. Be kind to others – we are all carrying emotional baggage of some sort. Don’t judge others, be open minded and tolerant. Compassion is underrated!

Don’t be too serious

Being lighthearted is a great way to make new friends. We all like to share a joke and a laugh. If you can keep a smile on your face and be warm and approachable, people will be far more likely to engage with you. Meeting people can be fun and doesn’t have to be scary or stressful. Being in the company of others, bonding and connecting releases the feel-good hormone Oxytocin – it makes us feel happier for longer than other feel-good hormones such as dopamine. Building relationships is where contentment lies!

Find a common interest if possible

I think that there is always something you can find in common with someone else. I like the sayin – if you don’t like someone, you need to get to know them better. Often we make premature judgements about others but if we give people a chance, you may find that there is more to them than you gave the credit for. Everyone withut fail, has an interesting story to tell or an intriguing experience to tell.

Of course there are going to be people you just don’t click as well with and you don’t have to force those relationships but meeting new people can be an exhilarating experience that’s high on the contentment list.

Mandy X

Photo by Jade Masri on Unsplash



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