True self confidence comes from the way you see yourself, not how others see you. When you build self confidence to a good level, you like yourself irrespective of what others think of you. Your self worth does not come from achievement or external validation. Rather it is an inner foundation/platform from which a person operates. Everyone has self doubt at times but if you practise the steps below, your confidence will improve:

Reframe negative self talk

Talking negatively to yourself doesn’t help one bit. Why do it? Instead, work at talking to yourself likeyou would a dear friend. Don’t tell yourself you are stupid, instead remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s okay to get things wrong sometimes. Watch the negative self talk if you want to build confidence. Don’t allow the inner bully to get to you.

Focus on strengths

Make an effort to know what you are good at. The whole idea is to maximise strengths and minimise weaknesses. It makes no sense at all to pay attention to your weaknesses. Know what they are but remember they are only a part of the whole you. Work at capitalising your strengths.

Self compassion

Be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself in a kind, compassionate way. A lot can be said for self compassion if you want to build self confidence. What’s the point of being harsh on yourself? Some people believe that if they are hard on themselves they will achieve more. This is nonsense. You can achieve just as much and often more when you show yourself compassion and value yourself.

What would you tell someone you loved?

Always remember that you should treat yourself as a valuable human being. If you had a son or daughter, wouldn’t you support and encourage them? Do the same for yourself.

Stop comparisons

When we feel down or disappointed, we often compare ourselves to others. Thing is, it’s a false comparison as you don’t t know the complete facts when it comes to the other person. Focus back on yourself and how you can make the best out of you. It’s self-defeating to compare yourself negatively to others. It will drain you and demoralise you.

Remember your higher purpose/goals

We all feel lost at times. That’s completely normal – welcome to life. Having some structure in life is good though and helps us to stay on track when we lose direction and/or motivation.

Work on liking who you are. You are worthwhile just as you are. I hear clients tell me that they are worthless unless they are achieveing and “doing”. My response to that theory is to ask whether a baby is worthless because it has not yet achieved. This helps people relaise that we are all inherently worthwhile and valuable. Don’t forget it!

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.