cognitive behavioural therapy; psychology; relationship counselling

How to handle rejection

How to handle rejection

Rejection stings. No one likes to be told they have been rejected. Knowing how to handle rejection can be tricky and complicated. Rejection triggers our insecurities and reminds us how difficult the game of love is. People get rejected every day and for a myriad of reasons. Think about it, you have two people coming together with very different perceptions/perspectives on the world. They are who they have become through their past experiences, past rejections, their childhoods, their school experiences and so forth. These shape who we become as adults and sculpt the way we see the world. The older we get the more cynical we become too and the more we put up barriers and act cautiously. No wonder there is so much rejection in the world. It would be great if we could all live according to the Mark Twain quote:

mark twain love quote

So what is the best way to handle rejection? I have been rejected quite a few times in life and have built up a strategy to help me get over it as quickly as possible. I also deal with rejection in my work seeing clients who have had their hearts broken. it’s one of the harshest experiences we can go through as human beings. It’s not easy and it hurts but there are things you can do to help yourself:

 

It’s their loss

Yes, I know it’s a cliche but hear me out. When you are experiencing a rejection it’s CRUCIAL that you focus on what was bad about that person who rejected you and all of your amazing qualities that they will no longer be able to joy. Are you kind and loving? Are you affectionate? They will have lost that… Did you make them laugh? Are you funny and clever? Tick…another thing they have lost in their sad world. Remind yourself too of things they did that you weren’t that fond of. Did they burp and fart in front of you? Were they critical or did they not give you enough attention at times? Focus on your ‘good’ and their ‘bad’.

Keep busy

Don’t sit around and mope. That’s a recipe for disaster. Our minds work against us when they are left with little to do. Make sure you have a project to focus on. If you are creative, make something. If you are someone who enjoys being around others, invite more people in to your lilfe. See your friends or find a Meetup group that you coud join. Get out in nature – take your dog for a walk – other dog lovers are always out and about and they can be great conversationalists. Binge watch a TV series just keep busy. Distraction is a great strategy for the heart broken, downtrodden and rejected amongst us.

Stay hopeful

Watch those negative thoughts. When we feel sad we often focus on what isn’t good in our lives. Don’t do that! Remind yourself that even though you feel like shit, tomorrow is another day and this horrid sad feeling won’t last forever. There IS light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can’t see it right now. Trust me. I have cried more than enough times in my life over relationships that haven’t worked out. In fact, I wonder sometimes if I am a masochist. That aside, at the time I flt like life would never get better and I would feel this awful sick feeling forever. Guess what – it does lift eventually. You just have to hang in and stay hopeful. It won’t last forever that’s a promise. Be patient, keep busy and make sure you look after yourself.

Indulge in self care…  Yay!

Now is the time to use that energy and focus that used to go on the person who rejected you. Aim that energy at yourself. Pamper yourself, buy something new that makes you smile. Get down to the gym (I find this one hard!) and do things that make you feel good about yourself. You know I am right…

You should be your number one fan – it’s not arrogant, it’s essential. Liking yourself means feeling happy in your own skin and that’s a very attractive quality. Liking yourself doesn’t mean you think you’re better than others (that’s arrogance) it just means you know your worth.

Be philosophical

Some things just aren’t meant to be. You can’t control the feelings and behaviours of others, your power lies in your thoughts, feelings and behaviours in response to the world around you. You can’t make someone love you. Let them be. Tell yourself that everything happens for a reason and that life is unfolding as it’s meant to. I find that comforting. Some things are just beyond our control and we need to accept the status quo as it is. Maybe the future holds something better for you. Maybe the person that rejected you will realise the error in their decision and contact you. Don’t rely on this one though – act as if it’s over and focus on moving forward. Believe that the Universe knows best. Trust the process and focus on YOU in the meantime.

Rejection is a part of life, no one escapes it. Pat yourself on the back for participating in this weird thing we call life. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, show yourself compassion. When you are facing rejection, the worst thing you can do is be hard on yourself and be self critical. Treat yourself with kindness and show yourself the same love and care that you would a person you really love. You deserve the same. Just because someone has rejected you doesn;t mean they have made the right decision. People reject others often due to their own fears and failings. Most importantly – Never associate rejection with your self worth and your ‘loveability’… EVER!

Mandy X

 

 

 

 

Photo by Zan on Unsplash



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