The end of a relationship is tough going emotionally. A client came to see me…
How to stay married and avoid divorce
There are three main ways to stay married and avoid divorce. Studies have shown three characteristics that can make a big difference to the longevity of a relationship.
The older you are when you get married, the more likely it is that you marriage will last. For the purpose of this post, I am going to refer to married couples but this post is also relevant to all sorts of relationships including people living together.
In our twenties we are still forming our personalities as we change immensely in our outlook between the age of 20 and 30. We stay more similar between the ages of 30 -50 years old. When we’re older we are also better off financially and this removes strain from marriages that start earlier. The younger you get married, the more likely you are to grow apart.
The more equal the relationship is the more likely the relationship is to last. When important decisions are made together it creates stronger bonds between people. When you both discuss travelling, where to live, whether to have children and so on, the happier and more likely the relationship is to be successful. Resentment can grow if one person regularly makes all the decisions and controls the finances. This type of imbalance can cause issues and create problems long term. Shared compromise also includes shared values. Do you see the world in the same way? Generally, if you are equal in the relationship, this will reflect your values. It’s healthy for both partners to have input into the life decisions that are made. Inequality and control are toxic to relationships.
When the chips are down, can you rely on your partner? When the going gets tough are you a team or does the stress cause you to blame each other? Some couples stick together, others fall apart. When you are close emotionally and truly love each other, reliability is usually a given although some people are more ‘fair weather’ types and can’t cope with problems. This has a lot to do with maturity. Again – refer to the first parapgraph: Age is a positive indicator for longevity in relationships.
There are three types of compatibility to consider:
Can you hold a stimulating conversation together? You may experience problems if one of you is a neuro-physicist and the other has no interest in anything other than sports.
Are you physically attracted to one another? This is crucial if you both enjoy sex. Physical compatibility doesn’t necessarily mean you must have sex. If you both don’t want or need sex then that can work too. As long as you are both on the same page, that’s fine.
Can you support one another and provide empathy when needed? There’s nothing worse than feeling lonely in a realtionship with a partner that you feel doesn’t get you.Having a partner that’s an ally in this world is a wonderful protective factor in a relationship.
There are many aspects to successful relationships and erach relationship is unique. This post highlights certain aspects that have shown up time and time again in studies on happy and successful relationships.
Commuincation, compromise and consideration are key for any relationship. In fact, communication can make up for many existing ‘sins’ in a relationships. Talk often and don’t ignore underlying issues. They rarely disappear on their own. Love, laugh and have fun together. Quality relationships are the greatest source of true happiness.