Multiple studies have shown that the vast majority of couples are unhappy in their marriages. However, most people admit that they would rather stay than let go. This is due to reasons such as:
– Financial worries
– Children
– Fear of being
If you are feeling unhappy in your marriage but aren’t ready to leave, here are some tips to help you stay positive and cope in an unhappy marriage.
Detachment
Perhaps the most painful aspect of staying in an unhappy marriage is clinging on to the hope that things will change for the better. Detachment means letting go of your emotional attachment to your partner. In short, you treat your partner as more of a roommate.
Through emotional detachment, you will be able to let go of this false hope and free yourself from the constant frustration and annoyance.
Continue with the daily family routine and handle household and financial matters as usual, but don’t give yourself the opportunity to suffer the emotional turmoil of disagreements or the pain of unmet expectations.
There was one woman I counseled who told me that she no longer lets her husband make her cry. This is a good example of detachment.
She explained that they basically co-exist and kind of ignore each other. And frankly speaking, this is the reality of most marriages today.
While you never expected things to end up like this when getting married, detachment helps to protect your emotions and allows you to better cope with the situation.
Get your groove back
An unhappy marriage can affect all aspects of your life.
Once you detach from feelings of unhappiness, you can start looking out for number one. Focus on things that make you happy and work and those areas of your life that might have been affected by the state of your marriage.
Rediscovering and redefining yourself often means:
– Taking better care of yourself
– Spending more time with friends
– Giving more attention to your children
– Improving your performance at work
The point is to reconnect with your authentic self. Identify the things that make you feel happy and better about yourself.
Therapy
After being together for so long, couples slowly start to lose their individual selves and become a significant part of each other’s life. Basically, you start to function as two units of a single entity.
This means that if your marriage isn’t working, the problem might be with you, your partner, or the both of you.
Fortunately, a therapist can be able to objectively assess the state of your relationship, identify the cause or causes of your unhappiness, and offer practical solutions. Click here to find out more.
Even if your partner isn’t up for it, seeking therapy on your own will help you regain your peace, perspective, and your former autonomous self.
Perhaps the problem isn’t with the marriage
When feeling unhappy, it can be easy to point the finger at your relationship or more specifically, your partner. However, you might be blind to the fact that your unhappiness might actually be attributed to something else in your life, including:
– Financial problems
– Depression and mental issues
– Perceived failures
– Unrealized personal goals
– Feeling overburdened
– Life transition
– Self-identity
You need to take a step back and consider how other factors might be contributing and if the marriage itself is the issue.
If after some evaluation you determine that your marriage is the actual problem, then it might be time to start thinking about the next best steps to ensure your own happiness and the well-being of your family.
Final Thoughts – So, now what?
Instead of rushing to divorce your partner, finding practical ways to cope in an unhappy marriage, seeking professional assistance, and refocusing on things that make you happy can actually help you and your partner rekindle your love and happiness.
There is something very attractive about someone who is centered, self-confident, and has the ability to stand alone if need be.
If you have decided that letting go isn’t an option and want to continue living together in your unhappy marriage, you need to stay strong. If you stick to the script and work on it, you will discover a stronger you behind all the pain and potentially a stronger relationship.
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
