I often get asked by clients how to text when dating. Texting takes up such a large part of our communication and if we get it wrong we can end up losing potential partners. It’s nerve wracking enough starting a new relationship and on top of that there seem to be all these unspoken rules about how to text when dating. Texting can be a tricky as messages can be misconstrued and it isn’t always possible to know the exact tone of the typed message. Below of some are the most common dilemmas faced when texting:
How often should you text?
Once you’re in a solid relationship, rules for texting go out the window. You know each other well enough to text whenever you want to. It’s completely different though when you have just met someone and are still getting to know them.
If you text too often the recipient may feel bombarded but if you don’t text often enough, the other person may be left wondering if you like them. At first, it’s important to assess the text-tempo between you. You will get an idea pretty early on as to how often the other person texts.
As a general rule, in order to keep the flow going, you should match the other person’s tempo. If they only text once a day, stick to that ratio initially. If someone is keen, the fact that you haven’t texted for a full day probably won’t put them off. Less is better than more. It’s also okay to send the odd inbetween text that says something interesting – maybe a funny image or a joke. You can also share somethiing about your day to try enage them and build a bond.
What is the best text content?
Initially, keep it light. Be chatty and give the other person some information about you. It can feel daunting telling a relative stranger titbits about you and your life but it will also draw them closer to you. Use emojis and punctuation to show the tone of the message.
One thing about texting that offers an advantage, is that you can really think about what you want to say. It’s not like a conversation where you have to think on your feet. It allows you to be measured and deliver an articulate message. Don’t be afraid to be yourself though and let your personality shine through. If you play it too safe you won’t stand out. This is especially true if you have met someone on a dating website and are still in the messaging phase before meeting.
What not to discuss via text
It’s never a good idea to discuss important issues via text. Always try save those for face to face conversations. It’s also not advisble to use texting as the ONLY way to express yourself. This can happen when people find it hard to be assertive or to talk about contentious issues face to face. Texting becomes an easy way to express these less talked about subjects but long term it can wreak havoc on healthy communication in a relationship.
Be brave enough to face your partner and talk to them instead of hiding behind text messages.
Don’t play games. Be real, open and honest. Remember that some text every few minutes whilst others text less often. Try not to read into the frequency as an indication of someone’s interest in you. Obviously, if they rarely reply or ghost you, this does not apply! And on th topic of ghosting: Ghosting is never cool. Be brave and end things.
Don’t read too much into texts, it’s merely one form of communication. Be yourself, ask for what you want and enjoy the communication.
Mandy X
Photo by Alex Ware on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
