How to value yourself
If you don’t value yourself, no one else will. Teach others how to treat you by showing them that you respect and value yourself.
Maintain boundaries regarding acceptable behaviour from others
Be clear about what you will and won’t accept from others. I grew up witnessing domestic violence and that is one boundary that is crystal clear to me. If a partner ever hit me I would not stick around a minute longer. I have seen the pattern of violence and then the regrets, apologies and gifts as well as the promises that it will never happen again. And it does happen again. Make sure you know what is acceptable to you and value yourself by sticking to those principles.
Give yourself positive self regard
Self love is just as valid and valuable as love from others. Talk to yourself as you would a best friend. Use positive language and never criticise yourself. “I am useless” is not an option, try this instead, “I may not always feel good about myself but that does not mean I am worthless” or “I have been rejected but that is down to a lack of compatibility, not due to my value as a person”. You owe it to yourself to be your number one fan.
Embrace fear
Fear does not always mean there is danger. Often it is the perception of the threat that causes fear rather than the threat itself. If we fear rejection, we may avoid relationships but the threat never gets challenged and remains ever large and scary. Learn to approach what you fear and discover your capacity to cope. You will do much better than you think you will. We tend to overestimate threat and underestimate out ability to cope. Get out there, feel the fear and do it anyway.
Allow yourself to have fun and be selfish
We are conditioned to say “please” and “thanks you” and to please others and fit in, in society. When we do pamper ourselves, we automatically feel guilty. Give yourself permission to be selfish. Life isn’t all about pleasing others, it’s also about pleasing yourself.
Decide who you are – your definition
No one can make you inferior without your consent. Decide who you are and don’t allow others to define you. They will certainly try but you never ever have to accept another person’s version of you. Stick to the one you have created for yourself. This strong inner sense of self will help you get through life when others try to belittle you or make you feel unworthy.
Keep positive affirmations in your head to remind you of what you stand for. How do you see yourself? This is the most important image, not the one other’s try foist upon you. You are equal to others, no one is superior.
Value yourself, protect yourself and ensure that others treat you well. You deserve love and respect and you also deserve a good quality of life. Don’t give in to the pressure from others to be what they want you to be. Value yourself – this is your choice.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
