I’m not good enough
I’m not good enough
“I’m not good enough” is a statement that I hear many clients say. Perhaps they don’t come out with it immediately but after a few therapy sessions of searching and exploring, clients often find that many of their problems boil down to a basic belief about themselves: that they somehow don’t measure up.
There are many reasons for feeling this way – our parents, schooling, the media, comparing ourselves using faulty assumptions – the list is endless.
How this belief “I’m not good enough” affects life on a practical level:
1) Avoiding social gatherings and/or intimacy, close relationships with others
2) Avoiding going out, preferring to stay indoors
3) Not applying for jobs that seem too challenging (even if they aren’t in reality)
4) Not offering an opinion that others might reject
5) Being a people pleaser, non-assertive person
6) Avoiding trying anything new
7) Being possessive, jealous and/or controlling in relationships
8) Overcompensating by either being highly critical of others or by playing the clown, being the life and soul of the party
9) Anxiety and depression
10) Panic attacks
Feeling not good enough manifests in a variety of ways and can often go undetected even for those close to the person who feels this way. It’s normal to suffer from self doubt and to feel inadequate at times in life. This has more to do with faulty thinking though and should not be seen as confirmation of not being good enough.
When we monitor and challenge our thinking, we can find ways to boost our self esteem and develop ‘buffers’ to keep us feeling good about ourselves.
If you feel that you aren’t good enough, think about how this core belief might be affecting and limiting your life. Feed yourself with positive thoughts. If you find this very difficult to do, see a therapist and try cognitive-behavioural therapy to help you become your number one fan.
Photo by CJS*64 A man with a camera