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How to build a happy relationship

There are so many factors that make up a successful relationship. I remember learning one theory about the basic building blocks of a good relationship:

Shared values and commitment being the basic foundation with intellectual, physical and emotional compatibility not far behind. I see the value in this theory as the relationship is going nowhere if you are poles apart when it comes to issues like bringing up children, religion, how you see the world and whether you just want a casual affair or marriage.  The above concepts can be compared to being in the driver’s seat with the key in the ignition.

The three C’s – compromise, communication and consideration

When it comes to navigating successfully, (driving the ‘car’), communication,compromise and consideration play an important role. Selfish people who rarely give back to the relationship tend not to enjoy successful happy relationships. Think of a relationship as a ‘love vessel’. It starts out empty and the more you both put in, the more there is to take out. If no one is putting anything in, the love vessel will be empty and the relationship will die out. A friend recently likened a relationship to a room full of burning candles. Each time there is a problem or a ‘knock’ the the relationship, a candle goes out. If this happens enough times, the room will go dark and the relationship will be over – the love will have been extinguished.

Self-acceptance is key

Ultimately though, the true key to a happy relationship above all else is self love and acceptance. When we search outside of ourselves for love, safety, security, acceptance, relief from loneliness or whatever else it is that you think a relationship will provide for you, you dilute your personal power to provide these things for yourself. As long as the expectations exist that a relationship will fulfil our emptiness and protect us from anxiety, loneliness and the stress of life – we will continue to search and feel disappointed when we don’t find it. No one can give us safety, security or permanent happiness. If they tell you they can, it will be on their terms and that isn’t freedom.

Establish a good friendship

Be realistic in your expectations of what a relationship can offer, such as companionship, laughter and shared experiences but do not expect a relationship to be able to fill internal voids. This is when resentment sets in. When you understand where the boundaries lie between self fulfilment and fulfilment from a relationship, everything starts to work smoothly.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.