Is he a player?

There is no fool proof formula for figuring out whether the new man in your life is honest and upfront or whether he is dating many other women at the same time as you but there are some signs to watch out for:

He isn’t a consistent communicator

There can be genuine reasons for a guy not to communicate – he may be abroad or could be going through a particularly busy phase in his life. A man who is inconsistent when there is no obvious reason for it might be stringing you along and keeping his options open. If you don’t hear from him for days on end, it’s a sign that you should be a little wary.

2. He doesn’t express his feelings

Some guys do find it harder to talk about their feelings than others so this one can be difficult to gauge. The less a man talks about his feelings the more likely it is that he lacks Emotional Quotient – or emotional intelligence. This is a huge generalisation but through my own research I have found that it is often the men in high profile corporate positions that lack EQ. EQ is often found more among men who work with their hands – gardeners, builders, plumbers etc

Having said that, a player whether he has EQ or not will not divulge any emotions when he is playing the field. He operates on a more superficial level and won’t give away much.

3. He’s a commitment phobe

This type of man is often unsure of what he wants. He is a “maximiser” in that he wants to date as many people as possible. He is on the lookout for ‘Miss Right’ but probably wouldn’t recognise her if he had her as he always think something better is around the corner. Internet dating exacerbates this attitude as there are so many more people to contact on the internet – the reality is though, that you have to go on approximately 10-30 dates to find a very good match. It’s a numbers game…

4. He rarely commits to a date on a weekend night

Players like to keep their weekend nights free for their most promising dates and to play it safe, will fill up the rest of the week first. If you only seem to be slotted in to Monday – Thursday evenings, it might be a sign that he is seeing other women. Of course, if he has children – this may be a legitimate reason for him not seeing you on the weekend – at least in the first few weeks of dating.

5. He is secretive

Do you know very little about his life? It could be a sign that he is filling up his time with many dates.

6. Sex is high on his agenda

Most men enjoy sex so it’s no secret that he will want to have sex if he fancies you but apart from letting you know he desires you, a non-player will be unlikely to pressurise you unnecessarily to get into bed with him. If a guy really likes you he will be patient. A player will soon lose interest if you haven’t ‘put out’ by date 3 or 4.

The above suggestions are just that – suggestions. Every person is different and there is always the exception to the rule. Trust your gut instincts – they are usually right.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.