A good relationship is an amazing life experience. Anyone who has ever been in love can attest to this. The initial flurry of excitement and heady feelings on infatuation can be addictive. It’s a great feeling to know someone cares and is there for you. We all have our ideal version of how a relationship should be but does the real thing measure up?
We can be so deadset on having a relationship that we ignore or suppress our own values in order to fit a new person into our life. So desperate at times to feel love and be part of a couple, we can ignore the clear warning signs as we blindly follow our goal of coupledom.
So, it’s time to ask yourself, is he the right one?
Is he selfish?
Does he always seem to get his own way? Do you tend to allow him to lead the life he wants with little consideration for what you want? Watch out for selfish behaviour where there is little compromise. Does there always seem to be something in it for him or can he sacrifice at times for your sake? Selfishness left unchecked will only get worse. Be assertive and start letting him know when you notice this type of behaviour.
Are your needs and feelings important to him?
Does your partner show empathy towards you? Does he care about how you feel and does he try to help you when you are feeling low? Some people are better at empathy than others whilst others struggle with emotional intelligence. Someone who cares will do what they can to help you feel better whether that means added emotional support, financial support or acts of service to help you.
Just words or actions too?
Does your partner promise you the world but deliver very little? Is he all talk no action? Don’t settle for this and let him know you have noticed the incrongruent behaviour. It’s so easy to keep someone happy with verbal promises but it takes effort to show someone you really care by sacrificing your time. Does he put his money where his mouth is or fob you off with the minimum he can get away with? Don’t let this pattern continue. Being passive sets the future behavioural pattern for the relationship.
Is he controlling and/or judgemental of you?
Does he seem preoccupied with what you do, how you think, what you wear? If you never feel good enough, let that be a sign that something isn’t right.
Is he respectful towards you?
Criticism, contempt and stonewalling are ways in which a partner undermines you and disrespects you. When someone respects you, they treat you well even when they disagree with you. They still see you as an equal.
Never sell your soul to keep a bad relationship going. Love yourself enough to walk away and honour yourself. The gradual erosion of your confidence and self esteem is a high price to pay in an attempt to avoid loneliness.
Mandy X
Photo by Klearchos Kapoutsis 
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
