relationship

A good relationship is an amazing life experience. Anyone who has ever been in love can attest to this. The initial flurry of excitement and heady feelings on infatuation can be addictive. It’s a great feeling to know someone cares and  is there for you. We all have our ideal version of how a relationship should be but does the real thing measure up?

We can be so deadset on having a relationship that we ignore or suppress our own values in order to fit a new person into our life. So desperate at times to feel love and be part of a couple, we can ignore the clear warning signs as we blindly follow our goal of coupledom.

So, it’s time to ask yourself, is he the right one?

Is he selfish?

Does he always seem to get his own way? Do you tend to allow him to lead the life he wants with little consideration for what you want? Watch out for selfish behaviour where there is little compromise. Does there always seem to be something in it for him or can he sacrifice at times for your sake? Selfishness left unchecked will only get worse. Be assertive and start letting him know when you notice this type of behaviour.

Are your needs and feelings important to him?

Does your partner show empathy towards you? Does he care about how you feel and does he try to help you when you are feeling low? Some people are better at empathy than others whilst others struggle with emotional intelligence. Someone who cares will do what they can to help you feel better whether that means added emotional support, financial support or acts of service to help you.

Just words or actions too?

Does your partner promise you the world but deliver very little? Is he all talk no action? Don’t settle for this and let him know you have noticed the incrongruent behaviour. It’s so easy to keep someone happy with verbal promises but it takes effort to show someone you really care by sacrificing your time. Does he put his money where his mouth is or fob you off with the minimum he can get away with? Don’t let this pattern continue. Being passive sets the future behavioural pattern for the relationship.

Is he controlling and/or judgemental of you?

Does he seem preoccupied with what you do, how you think, what you wear? If you never feel good enough, let that be a sign that something isn’t right.

Is he respectful towards you?

Criticism, contempt and stonewalling are ways in which a partner undermines you and disrespects you. When someone respects you, they treat you well even when they disagree with you. They still see you as an equal.

Never sell your soul to keep a bad relationship going. Love yourself enough to walk away and honour yourself. The gradual erosion of your confidence and self esteem is a high price to pay in an attempt to avoid loneliness.

Mandy X

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by Klearchos Kapoutsis

Mandy Kloppers
Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

3 Comments

  1. What’s difficult is recognizing a guy isn’t the right one when he does everything right prior to locking you down as ‘his’. I’m one who usually trusts her gut and can see beneath the surface but in my case, I didn’t see the important things that were wrong until after there was a legal ring on my finger. Sometimes, we have to look further beyond the man or woman…look to friends and family, how they interact with them, how others treat him/her, and how they react to stress are key indicators. You might even have to ‘create’ the stress on your own to bring anything untoward out. No one is perfect but also, no one can carry the facade of being perfect forever either. If there is something wholly unwanted lurking beneath, it will come out…hopefully, sooner rather than later. Thanks Mandy! xo

    1. Spot on Amy! I couldn’t have said it better myself. Thank you for your comment – you’re right, look beyond the person to their relationships with others as well and hoe they deal with stress etc. Very true and very good advice M x

      1. Had to learn that the hard way, Mandy, so if I can help others not make the same mistake, I’m there. Couldn’t do it without you though. xo

Comments are closed.

Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.

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