cognitive behavioural therapy; psychology; relationship counselling

Is your partner a stranger?

Is your partner a stranger?

Have you ever thought that your partner seems like a stranger? I recently saw a client who was with their partner for many years and they thought they were very close. This was the case until he found out that she had cheated on him. He had suspected there might be something going on but she flatly denied that she had been with anyone else.

This client felt the trust was broken and began to question whether he really knew her anymore. It’s incredibly unnerving when you discover truths about your partner that are inconsistent with how you normally percieve them.

We all have secrets but if your partner regularly feels like a stranger to you, it might be time to give this more thought. Some people are crafty and they are really good at changing how they behave with different people. Genuine people tend to be more consistent in character no matter who they are with.

If you notice that your partner can be the life and soul of the party but is then really grumpy with you behind closed doors, let this be a warning sign! This is a sign that they put on a show with others. Of coursem we all do this to a certain degree and we can all be grumpy at times. If however, your partner is regularly mean to you but always has a smile for others, take note.

Unfortunately, it isn’t uncommon to think you know someone, only to find out there is a whole side to them that you never knew existed. When you love someone, you tend to justify their behaviour but ignore the signs at your peril.

Take notice of how they treat you. Be aware of their actions – it is true that actions speak louder than words. Some people have the gift of the gab – words can be hollow. Look at how they back up those words with solid action. If something doesn’t feel right if you think your partner is hiding something from you – talk about it. Don’t allow it to fester. This is poison to a relationship. Trust your instincts – they are your inner wisdom alerting you. Trust it!

Mandy X

 

Photo by sebastiaan stam on Unsplash