January is a tough month for many people. After Christmas and at the beginning of a new year, many couples decide to cal it quits. It is well known, especially by counsellors and lawyers that January is one of the busiest months for separations and the beginning of divorce proceedings.
Clients who have commenced divorce proceedings have often told me that they had decided they wanted to leave many months before but often wait until Christmas is out of the way, especially if there are children involved. The festive period also means that couples tend to spend more time together and this can exacerbate pre-existing problems in the relationship.
I see more clients trying to deal with divorce and separation in January than any other time of the year. It also highlights how we are all far more similar and following the same patterns of life than we realise. We often feel alone in our experiences but the reality is that there is normally a plethora of people in the world going through a similar experience to you.
Dealing with divorce and separation is tough – is is a life changing event and one the most stressful experiences a person can go through.
The best way to get through a divorce/separation is to try look at it philosophically. Remind yourself of the things you didn’t like about the other person/the relationship and use this to fuel your motivation to move forward. Healing takes time and some of the hurt will dissipate over time. Keep busy and don’t obsess about the other person. Don’t blame yourself and watch the thinking that tells you that the divorce occurred because you aren’t good enough. This is normal thinking but it is very likely that it is incorrect thinking.
Pamper yourself, repeatedly think about your strengths and achievements and try to see the new chapter that has emerged in your life in a positive way.