It can be really hard to find the right partner. Especially considering how everyone is on best behaviour in the initial stages of courtship. Have you ever wondered about what they key characteristics of a loving partner are? Are there signs that your new love interest is the one/not the one? The good news is that there are definitely certain key characteristics of a loving partner that you can look for:
They consider your needs
Be aware of whether a person asks you where you might like to eat dinner or what you might like to do on a date. Someone may do this initially but if this slacks off, it might be a sign of someone who isn’t all that caring. Empathy is a HUGE deal when it comes to a loving partner because those without it are unable to be loving. They go through all the motions on a superficial level but they truly struggle to put themselves in other people’s shoes. This often leaves their partners feeling alone and unloved.
When you tell them you are sad, do they get it? A loving partner would not want you to be upset and will do their best to accommodate your wishes as long as they are reasonable. Your happiness and well-being will be important to them and they will do their best if they love you. Of course, everyone messes up now and then. I am referring to a pattern of neglectful behaviour where they don’t acknowledge your feelings and don’t do anything about it.
They’re interested in your life
Another key characteristic of a loving partner is that they care about your quality of life. They are interested in what makes you tick and what you enjoy doing. They get a buzz from seeing you happy. If you are keen on nature, perhaps they will take you somewhere naturally beautiful or they will pick up a book as a random gift on a subject you love. They will be thinking of you. It’s not a case of “out of sight, out of mind”. They ask questions about what you are doing and how you feel about that.
They treat you with respect
A loving partner may say the wrong thing from time to time. I know I put my foot in it now and then! In general though, a loving partner will be kind and treat you well. They won’t criticise you or call you names. They won’t undermine you in front of others or make you look stupid. They are proud of you and want to back you in your life goals.
They aren’t controlling
A loving partner accepts that you are a separate person with your own needs, likes and dislikes. They also understand that a healthy happy relationship requires compromise and regular communication.
I dealt with a couple not too long ago, where the husband would control the finances. The wife was only given enough to buy food and other basics. He on the other hand, played tennis, went out a lot and bought whatever he wanted. There was obvious inequality but he couldn’t see that there was an issue. He was treating his wife like a child. He also wouldn’t let her drive his car. This sent a clear message to his wife that she was below him in some way. Once he was able to see that his behaviour was unacceptable, he began to loosen up and treat his wife as an equal. When we got to the bottom of the issue, it turned out that he was quite insecure and feared that if he lost contro,l his wife would leave him. The irony was that with all the control he had, he was jeopardising his relationship even more and his wife was considering leaving him if he didn’t change.
Jealousy can also be a form of control and is very unhealthy for a relationship. The approach should always be “innocent until proven guilty”. You have to let go and allow the other person freedom. No one has the right to control another person – not who they see, what they wear, how they spend their money or where they go.
Sometimes unhealthy behaviours become ‘normalised’ within a relationship and the dysfunctional patterns can persist for years.
Loving partners keep their promises
Another key characteristic of a loving partner is that they do what they say they will. They are reliable and you know they will be there for you no matter what. A loving partner is never a “fair weather friend”. Again, we all forget things now and then. It’s when the behaviour is a pattern that repeats itself over time that it becomes a real problem. A loving partner who cares, will care about your happiness and will want to keep you happy. If your partner seems more concerned with their own agendas and keep letting you down, they are sending you a message. Remember that you teach people how to treat you. If you put up with bad behaviour, it will continue. Be assertive and stick up for yourself. When you know your own worth and like yourself, you are far less likely to put up with selfish behaviour from a partner. The more you allow someone to be selfish and disrespect you, the more likely they are to lose respect for you. It’s also a ‘greenlight’ to continue to abhorrent behaviour.
They make time for you
A loving partner will generally make time for you as much as they can. They will want to see you and spend time with you. Someone who sees you as an “object” will fit you in when it suits them. They will literally ‘pick you up’ when it suits them and ‘drop’ you when something better comes along. Their needs and wants will always come first. Be wary! People who see their love interests as objects tend to lack empathy (refer to first paragraph).
They’re your best ally
It’s a great feeling when you know your partner has your back. When the chips are down, you know they will champion you and stick up for you. If you can’t count on your partner to step up when required, who can you count on? Someone who loves you won’t resent your success or feel annoyed at you when you do things they don’t relate to. They will give you the space to be you and love you anyway.
Relationships are as unique as fingerprints. Each ones needs to be handled in a different way. You can use the above guidelines to figure out whether you are in a happy relationships though. trust your gut instinct – it’s usually right.
Mandy X
Photo by marcos mayer on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
