Is there a knight in shining armour?
Whether we admit it or not, many of us have had thoughts of a man appearing in our lives to rescue us. A knight in shining armour to take us away from all the stress and pressure of life and make it all better. It can be tough experiencing life as a single woman, especially if we have children to bring up on our own. Women still earn less than men (in most cases) and men tend to get ahead and earn more in the long run. If you are codependent, you will be even more likely to hope for a man to look after you and protect you.
Money is often tight and we dream of a man to come along and provide the money and love to make our lives complete. The thing is – this may all sound great but you will be achieving this security on their terms, not on yours.
Feeling dependent
I thought about this a lot when I was a single mother. Life was hard and there were some days when I really felt I had no fight left in me.
I secretly hoped that I would meet a wonderful man who would sweep me off my feet and take care of everything.
I did meet a few men that seemed to fit the bill…but there was a price to pay. The relationship was invariably imbalanced as I was the needy one and he was the ‘rescuer’.
He decided what we did mostly and when we did it. I was like a kept woman and began to lose my identity. Something I did not like at all.
Amongst the glamour and glitz I was incredibly miserable. Eventually it dawned upon me that I needed to forge an independent future for my son and me. I needed to do it for myself so as not to be beholden to a man.
Be self-reliant
Having a partner certainly helps but always keep your independence as much as possible. Educate yourself, keep your career skills viable and make sure you have spare money.
The more you fantasise about a man coming along to fix things, the less you will talk to yourself in an empowering way that encourages you to do it for yourself.
I love the feeling that I am financially independent and don’t need a man. Any man in my life will be a bonus, not because I need him but because I want him there.
Mandy X
Photo by Rock’n Roll Monkey on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
