Resilience
How resilient are you? Stress, loss, trauma and failure are all part of life. It’s not what happens to us but rather how we deal with and respond to events that have a big impact on our emotional well-being. We can’t choose what happens to us but we can choose how we respond. We can choose our attitude. Life will always be a series of ups and downs so it is essential to cultivate resilience. Life is uncertain and we do not have control over many things that come our way.
Your life will be better if you choose to feel uncomfortable and make progress, rather than complain and make excuses. Shift your focus from what is withheld from you to what is available to you.
Be accountable
Find someone who expects something from you. tell others about your goals. This way you feel responsiblw to soemone else too and will be more likely to achieve your goals.
You don’t need more motivation
Motivation is a fickle beast. Some days you feel inspired. Some days you don’t. If you want consistent change the last thing you want to rely on is something inconsistent. The signs we see, the things that are on your desk at work, the pictures hanging on your wall at home … these are all pieces of our environment that can trigger us to take different actions. Surround yourself with cues (such as sticky notes) to keep you on track. make your environment work for you.
Follow through with action
Not all of your habits will fit a specific time frame, but they all should have a trigger that acts as a reminder to do them.
Want to floss? Everyday after brushing your teeth. Same order, same way, every time.
Want to be happier? Every time you stop at a red light, tell yourself one thing you’re grateful for. The red light is the reminder. Same trigger, same sequence, every time.
The bottom line is this: it might be nice to tell yourself that you’re going to change, but getting specific makes it real and gives you a reason and a reminder to get back on track whenever you slip up.
Stick to a schedule
Don’t have enough time to do a full workout? Just squat.
Don’t have enough time to write an article? Write a paragraph.
Don’t have enough time to do yoga? Take ten seconds to breathe.
Don’t have enough time to go on vacation? Give yourself a mini–break and drive to the neighboring town.
Individually, these behaviors seem pretty insignificant. But it’s not the individual impact that makes a difference. It’s the cumulative impact of always sticking to your schedule that will carry you to long–term success.
Find a way to stick to the schedule, no matter how small it is.
Focus on what you can change
We waste so much time focusing on what is withheld from us. This is especially true after we slip up and get off track from our goals. Anytime we don’t do the things we want to do — start a business, eat healthy, go to the gym — we come up with excuses…
“I don’t have enough money. I don’t have enough time. I don’t have the right contacts. I don’t have enough experience. I need to learn more. I’m not sure what to do. I feel uncomfortable and stupid.”
Think instead: “I can work with this.”
Because you can. The truth is that most of us start in the same place — no money, no resources, no contacts, no experience — but some people (the winners) choose to get started anyway.
Resilience teaches us how to deal with change more effectively and how to recover more quickly from setbacks. Research has shown resilience is influenced by three things:
What we observe and learn during childhood; relationships with others and having a strong inner core (this can come from a religious faith, spirituality or highly effective self-belief). There is a term, “post-traumatic growth” and this involves the idea that challenges and hardships help us to become stronger. We gain a sense of mastery over past adversities. Each time we succeed we gain more confidence in our abilities.
Resilience has a lot to do with our perceptions. When we are able to see events in a reasonable way whilst maintaining perspective we are better able to cope and manage. If we catastrophise and start to panic we will be a lot less efficient. This does not mean that you have to deny what is happening rather it is about learning to be a realistic optimist. Realistic optimists search for solutions but they do not delude themselves by thinking they are invincible.
After the initial shock/trauma of a difficult event, learn to pause and pull back from the situation. See every challenge as an opportunity to learn and to problem-solve. Believe that you can find a way forward and begin to explore the ways…
Have a sense of purpose/goals in your life. See yourself as a working progress. We are all learning new things every day and no one has all the answers. You are just as capable as anyone else being resilient and making it through the tough times. It’s very rarely as bad as you think it is.
You only have so much energy to put towards the next 24 hours. Pick a habit that you care about. If it really matters to you, then you’ll find a way to make it work.
Mandy X
Photo by EladeManu
References: https://jamesclear.com/get-back-on-track
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
