I have noticed a tendency for people to delay happiness. They will say, “I will be happy when I am in a relationship” or “I’ll be happy when I am financially stable”. I do understand this type of thinking because I know I have thought this way too. But when you think about it, you are telling yourself that it’s okay not to be happy now until something happens in the future. How crazy is that?

I remember a client coming to see me after she found out that her husband was having an affair. What made it so hard was that they had spent most of their time working hard for their retirement. Now that their retirement was upon them he had left her for someone else. All that hard work and spending time away from each other, for the sake of their future together, had been for nothing.

Every moment you are unhappy is another moment of your life lost to sadness. Happiness should be a state of mind, not dependant upon some external factor. And, yes I get it that circumstances absolutely affect our current happiness. This post is just about awareness of this delay in happiness that we put upon ourselves.

Find something to be happy about

Gratitude

Gratitude is a brilliant way to find happiness in the moment. It could be that you got to lie in bed a little longer or the fact that you had a good breakfast or that you have something exciting happening later that day. It could be anything, no matter how small. Even being healthy is something to appreciate.

Think about what is good in your life and it makes happiness in the moment easier.

Focus

Think about what you focus on daily. Do you focus on things that inspire and uplift you or do you focus on things that irritate and frutrate you? Sure, we have to focus on the awful stuff sometimes – bills, annoying people, traffic etc but this is temporary. Have a list of things you can focus on to help you feel calmer – it could be an uplifting podcast,a good book or talking to a friend that you find inspiring. I like to watch funny animal videos to make me smile or watch a funny film. Always works for me.

Try mindfulness

Mindfulness is all about staying in the present moment as much as possible and not allowing your mind to hark back to the past or worry unnecessari;y about the future. Engage in your surroundings – what can you see, hear, touch, taste and smell? Try to be present in the moment.

Don’t wish away your life. It is happening to you right now. Try to savouor every moment and when you catch yourself living up in your head again, bring yourself back into your physical surroundings. It takes practise but keep at it. I find it hard to be mindful but I realise the value of being present in the moment and I keep trying!

Mandy X

Photo by Wendell Fernandes on Unsplash

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.