Losing yourself

Losing yourself is easily done and can happen stealthily. If you’re anything like me, you quite like it when others like you. I know that I have a ‘people pleasing’ element to my nature and at times, this need to please and be accepted has  lead to a tendency to lose myself.

Let me explain, I have been in relationships where a partner has been slightly judgemental. They may have commented (perhaps even in a joking manner) on how a certain hairstyle doesn’t suit me or they may remark on how untidy I am. Instead of standing firm and not changing my habits (there is no need to change small habits but of course, major habits that are causing trouble in the relationship need to be addressed), I’d tend to try change my behaviour to fit what I think  they wanted me to be. This is a BIG mistake!

The more I tried to be what I thought they wanted me to be, the more confidence I lost and the more I ‘lost myself’. I tried to be a better version of myself without honouring who I truly am. I am a laid back, easy going kind of person and have realised that trying to be an efficient home maker who regularly bakes cakes just isn’t me. Be firm about who you really are and resist the urge to try be someone else when you feel pressure to change.

A little change or improvement is always good but when you try to fit someone else’s ideals, you will end up anxious and possible even feeling inadequate. Stand firm and stay true to you. Losing yourself trying to please someone else won’t benefit anyone in the long run. Someone who truly cares for you will be willing to overlook many bad habits in order to be with you!

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.