What is love?
I recently came across a love report from 2009 and thought I would share some of the interesting facts that have emerged from this report called “Lovegeist”. What is love exactly?
Interestingly, the report states that men are more romantic than women and those that have been in love at least once tend to be less romantic than someone who has never been in love.
Possibly people who’ve loved and lost have been put off after being hurt, or after hurting someone else. Or it may be that more romantic people are more idealistic, and therefore less likely to meet someone who fulfils their higher expectations. The report also mentions that marriage is on the decline.
Although 95.2% said they wanted a long-term relationship, only 53.7% said they wanted to get married (although only 11.0 % said they didn’t). The main reason for getting married was to prove commitment to one another.
Looking for “the one”
Single men believed in The One. They held a general belief that there would be one person with whom they would have a deeper connection over and above all possible others. Married men disagreed that there was just one person right for them.
Single women believed that it was dangerous to think that there was just one person out there for them. The married women agreed, saying that different people are right for different stages in your life.
This reflects the aforementioned finding that single men are the most romantic, and women are more pragmatic. So, perhaps for women, the teenage holiday fling with the fisherman who speaks no English inevitably gives way to the kind, reliable, but less physically exciting man with stable employment, whereas men continue to believe they could be happy with that Russian tennis player 30 years their junior.
Gender Differences
Men are significantly more likely to say “I love you” first. Previous research shows that, overall, women are more likely to say “I love you”. However, saying it first is a greater risk as it may not be reciprocated. Men tend to be greater risk takers. It may equally be because men are more romantic, so more likely to say “I love you” for the first time on a beautiful evening after a great dinner. Other results showed that old fashioned values persist. Typical gender-specific manners are important. Women are more likely to be attracted to money, and men reflect this by being more likely to pay for a first date.
Turn ons and turn offs
Women – top turn ons
1) Candlelight
2) Flirting
3) Dancing
4) Public affection
5) Thrills
top turn offs
1) Long hair
2) Piercings
3) Sarcasm
4) Tattoos
5) Skinny dipping
Men – top turn ons
1) Flirting
2) Candlelight
3) Long hair
4) Erotica
5) Thrills
top turn offs
1) Sarcasm
2) Piercings
3) Tattoos
4) Boldness/ assertiveness
5) Power
So what is love to a man and a woman? Here are quotes on what people think:
“Small gestures count for a lot…They mean someone’s thinking about you when they didn’t really have to”
“You are the sum of your relationships”
“Love is when everything’s stripped down and you still want to be with them”
“Love is a risk”
“Love is imagining being without her and not wanting to find out what that was like”
“Marriage doesn’t have the meaning it once did”
“I love her more now than I did before we married”
“At different stages of your life, you want something different”
“Marriage empowers you to do things you wouldn’t have done before”
“Love is not a puzzle that slots together. We all need time, work and effort”
In all aspects of love, there is one central theme. Love means different things to different people.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
