Love yourself

Believe it or not, when resilience is called for it is often those who have self belief and love themselves who are more successful than the talented ones. Self belief often wins over talent. I would say that the majority of my clients do not love themselves. In fact, I would say it’s the exception rather than the rule to find someone who has tons of self belief and really likes themselves.

Someone may have all the trappings of success, such as a great job, a wonderful family and financial stability yet they can still feel empty and unhappy because they do not like themselves enough and as result they never really enjoy the fruits of their labour. There is always something missing.

You are far better off if you possess healthy positive feelings about yourself and take pride in who you are than possessing all the riches on the earth.

Many good wonderful people lack self belief and self-love. The beginnings of this self-defeating behaviour often starts in childhood. As a child you don’t have the sophistication to reason and save yourself from any damage you may be experiencing. Critical parents, being bullied at school or an unhealthy home environment can all detract from healthy self-love. Your identity is shaped by the individuals around you and you believe what you’re told.

Parents can be guilty of the most appalling neglect and ignorance when it comes to giving the children healthy self-respect. As adults we have a duty to ourselves to challenge any negative messages that we were given as children and to replace them with more rational alternatives, as well as realise the flaws in our own parents.

I recently worked with a client who had very damaging views about herself and as result her behaviour led to him missing many positive opportunities in her life. On some deeper level she did not believe she deserved any happiness or love. Together we worked on changing her views about herself. Unless you have consciously ‘detoxed’ yourself from negative childhood messages, you may be holding self-defeating and self-limiting beliefs about yourself. Definitely excess baggage that you are free to cast off at any time.

Loving yourself is contagious. The more you love you the more others will too. Appreciate yourself more and talk kindly to yourself as you would a best friend. You came into this world

and you will leave it on your own. At some point in between it makes sense to get comfortable with yourself.

Write down reasons to like yourself and make a list of all your strengths and achievements.

Challenge negative thoughts about yourself, you really do have a choice when it comes to what you want to believe about yourself.

Pamper yourself and see it as a way of honouring you and your life.

Don’t neglect yourself-make sure you take good care of yourself. See yourself as fabulous, likeable and utterly lovable!!

I have had to work very hard to undo negative programming from my childhood. I do not believe I would have achieved very much in my life had I allowed all the negative messages to define me. I have forgiven but not forgotten and use my progress in life to reinforce how far I have come. The more I achieve and the more I foster self belief, the greater my power grows. I have refused to allow small mindedness as well as mean-spirited and ignorant adults to affect my life forever. They no longer have this power over me.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.