Men, Women and Sex
When it comes to sex, men and women in relationships really do tend to hold very different perspectives… A woman, in general, Â needs to feel emotionally connected to her partner in order to enjoy and want sex. A man on the other hand, is pretty much always up for sex irrespective of emotional closeness.
This is how it usually goes:
There will be disagreement within the relationship or unmet needs on some level. Often, this will cause the woman to detach slightly on an emotional level. This can happen on an unconscious level, rather than a conscious thought process whereby a woman tells herself to emotionally detach. It is often a natural reaction to discord in the relationship. The man will bumble along, oblivious to the inner storm brewing and will pretty much always be up for sex. Men tend to take the relationship at face value whereas women tend to fret and worry in silence.
So when his advances are rejected, he will undoubtedly be surprised and not understand where this has come from. I have often had couples see me for therapy and after the first session, the husband is expecting physical intimacy afterwards. Many don’t seem to understand that the longer the difficulties have been going on in the relationship, the longer it will take before they can meet happily in the bedroom again.
Men – if you want a partner that is interested in sex consistently, make sure that her emotional needs are being met. Connect with her, check how her day has been. Buy flowers or something similar..women like to feel wanted and cared for in between sex sessions, so to speak.
Some men are not affectionate, do not connect on an emotional level (sadly, some don’t know how to) and then expect sex on tap. This doesn’t mean that what men are doing is wrong, it is just that it is a different approach and it is one that doesn’t work well with women.
Men can easily separate sex from other areas of life whereas women tend to become emotionally attached – it is more of a holistic approach. A package that includes, physical, mental and emotional. All three areas need to be attended to.
I am sure there would be many more happy couples (getting a lot more sex!) if they paid more attention to the different approaches when it comes to sex.
Mandy x
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
