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Is monogamy natural?
I see so many clients and approximately 75% of them struggle with the issue of monogamy. Even couples who seem stable and in love have surprised me with tales of swinging clubs and threesomes. Some have even told me stories of dogging and online expeditions to find strangers for them to have sex with. The idealist in me loves the idea that we find someone to love and only want to get naked and have sex with them for the rest of our lives. Promising to be faithful and never share our naughty bits with anyone else.
The reality is very different though. The amount of married people, as well as people in long-term relationships having affairs on the side, is overwhelming. Many wives turn a blind eye because they have become accustomed to a certain way of life and don’t want to miss out on the financial benefits their husbands provide. Men are less likely to ignore infidelity but they too, can be forgiving and work around another man in the relationship.
Does evolution leans towards polygamy?
Google the concept of monogamy and the majority of the information displayed supports the theory that monogamy isn’t natural:
- Only 3 percent to 5 percent of the roughly 5,000 species of mammals (including humans) are known to form lifelong, monogamous bonds , with the loyal superstars including beavers, wolves and some bats. –
- https://www.livescience.com/32146-are-humans-meant-to-be-monogamous.html
- Monogamy is not a natural state for men OR women – controversial TED lecturer, Christopher Ryan claims that we are all built to be promiscuous. – https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2286682/Monogamy-natural-men-AND-women-equally-promiscuous-TED-lecturer-reveals.html
- So, is monogamy normal?
- Current scientific consensus says no, not really. When it comes to human beings, monogamous pairings have been standard practice in less than 20% of sampled societies. Although monogamy is the norm in contemporary western societies, this is a relatively new convention. – https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/10/is-monogamy-natural_n_1087009.html
Primates are polygamous
When looking at our closest relatives – primates, approximately 80% are polygamous. Yet can we really compare ourselves to primates?
Somewhere along the evolutionary process, humans developed cognitive capabilites that outstripped any other living creature. With this added awareness, humans can understand and empathise and possess values and morals – unlike primates. Does this mean that we must go against natural urges now that we should know better?
Is it natural for us to intellectualise our natural inclinations?
I have a feeling that this inner struggle causes a huge amount of stress and strain in modern society. We want certain things – like wild wanton sex with others, but we are told by society and others that this is bad and wrong. So many engage in these behaviours secretively. This leads to a discrepancy between who we really want to be and what we really are.
I guess it keeps me in business but it really does make me think about how society is stifling so many people’s natural desires and how these behaviours, lusts, wants and needs will continue regardless…leaving emotional mess and chaos as we all wear the mask of ‘civilised’, yet possibly suppressed members of society.
Your comments?
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
