Narcissistic Personality Disorder:
If you talk to a psychiatrist or psychologist – many will tell you the most difficult type of personality to deal with is those with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. So what is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic personalities are amongst the hardest patients for psychiatrists to treat, for the simple reason that their disorder stems from an unshakeable belief that they can do no wrong.
Narcissists often have an unrealistic sense of entitlement. They also lack empathy and find it hard to see other people’s points of view. They are often pre-occupied with status, money, and power.
Their looks can be something they obsess over and depression often starts in their forties when they start to appear older and lose their youthful looks. Many resort to plastic surgery and can hold distorted beliefs bordering on delusional.
Basic Diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
You might recognize some of the 7 common traits of narcissism in a colleague, parent, child, spouse, or a friend:
- An inability to listen to others, and a lack of awareness of another person’s deadlines, time frames, interests or perspectives.
- An inability to admit wrongdoing – even sometimes when presented with objective evidence of their errors or behavior.
- Coldness, or overly practical responses to interpersonal relationships; a sense of distance or matter-of-factness, emotionally.
- Can be prone to severe bouts of anger, particularly if directions or orders are not followed.
- Has the ability to write friends off forever, often over small or only imaginary transgressions. They tend to use people to benefit themselves instead of enjoying relationships for their own sake.
- Pride in the accomplishments of children (if they have them), family members or friends, often combined with an overly developed desire for control over family member’s directions and activities.
- An above-average interest in social class and importance may also sometimes be seen.
Basic Tips
Here are some basic tips for maintaining a productive relationship with a narcissistic type personality. Of course, each situation is unique, and symptoms and severity vary. But it is helpful to know that there are positive steps you can initiate, to help bring a positive experience to both individuals.
1. Stay Practical
Keep your relationship on a practical level, if you find yourself otherwise involved with distressingly argumentative situations, or those that are overly filled with tension. Narcissistic people respond well to practical goals achieved, be they yours or their own. Define the goals you wish to pursue, and give clear guidelines for those you wish them to assist you with – for instance, by a certain date or time.
2. Keep Distant
Keep your contact distant if it is not reciprocated and causes you distress. A narcissistic person will not understand your own emotional needs; trying to make them acknowledged will often merely lead to more frustrations. Admit that your needs will be met differently, by different individuals and according to each abilities and sensibilities. This is not a narcissistic personality strong point, so you may have to include others if you require strong emotional support.
3. Define Some Limits
If you find yourself in constant disagreement with such an individual, it may be helpful to define some limits or taboos in your interaction with them. This need not be verbally communicated; simple internal guidelines or limits to spheres of discussion or debate may be just as effective.
If you feel controlled or overly manipulated by a narcissistic person,do not try to argue or reason with them.
A person with severe narcissism traits will not be able to modify their behavior. It is best to be clear and brief with such individuals, about what you are doing and when. Simply do not get into a discussion, and if you must arrange a sudden appointment to escape a difficult situation, then do so.
4. Avoid Conflict
Do not, for your safety and theirs, look for resolution through conflict with a person with severe pathological narcissism. Such types have a well documented obliterative response to rage – you will conform to their world view or be obliterated from it – usually through cutting off of all ties. Do not look to win or convince a patient with narcissistic personality disorder, as this is counter to their world-view. The possibility for physical violence is not common, but should not be disregarded.
5. Gain More Understanding
6. Teach Children to Avoid Inheriting It
The cause of excessive Narcissism often stems back to parental issues for the individual, for instance having a narcissistic or overly controlling dominant family member. For this reason, it is important that the children of a narcissistic parent be taught skills such as listening to, considering, and understanding the opinions and perspectives of others. Asking questions during conversation is a basic, important example of such an education.
7. Appear to Fit Within Prescribed Roles
Narcissistic individuals usually have precise roles that their others should fit within: roles that typically strengthen, and often aggrandize, their own idea of self-worth. Deviating from these roles is often met with displeasure.
Whilst living your life under somebody else’s idea of your identity is plainly unhelpful and impossible long term, the best advice is to appear to do so. First, consider what decisions you make that displeases your narcissistic person, and what decisions please them. What sort of role is it you fulfill for them? It may be a successful, stable child, or an obedient and attractive partner.
Children of NPD sufferers should learn how to report to them things that support these roles, whilst not undermining what you want to do. Keep to yourself things that do not. Learn to seek support elsewhere for matters that do not fit the ideals of your narcissistic individual.
8. Give Practical Support
Narcissistic people respond well to practical, as opposed to emotional, signs of support. This may be the reason many show practical signs of affections to others, and is exacerbated by a lack of empathy for other’s needs. You can therefore help a narcissistic individual by doing practical tasks for them, such as cooking or other helpful things. It is important to retain personal control in these matters, as the narcissistic tendency is to define the nature of the support given. If you are cooking, cook something that is beyond their knowledge and experience, so they have to step back from the event. Surprise an individual with other events, or do tasks when they are out.
Narcissists tend to be controlling.
9. Write, Give Gifts, and Demonstrable Signs of Love and Support
Narcissist personality disordered types may be attracted to postcards, cards, gifts, photographs, and other signs of emotional relationships (seemingly emotional things). Often, however, interest in these mementos are due to the social usefulness of these objects rather than overt sentimentality. If you are related to a Narcissistic person, send them regular photographs of your achievements, perhaps telling them you couldn’t wait to show them.
If you have a workmate with narcissistic personality disorder, print them letters or cards acknowledging their abilities (an email may be too private, although it can always be discussed, forwarded, or shown). Allow the individual to take credit, and boost, their self-worth, and world view with your role in that system.
you will keep the narcissist in your life happy if you stroke their ego and don’t challenge them. They like to feel in control and adored. if you can keep them happy and don’t mind having few of your needs met, you might just be able to survive a relationship with them
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
