“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent” – Eleanor Roosevelt
The truth is that there will always be someone who is trying to tear you down. They may be overt with their belittling behaviour or they may be passive-aggressive. Passive-aggressive behaviour can often be worse because you feel just as bad but you doubt your sanity at the same time.
So, given that it is a fact of life that others will from time to time try to belittle you or make you feel inadequate, it makes sense to have some ‘tools’ to help you counteract this negative behaviour.
Others may have all sorts of reasons for wanting you to feel inferior. It has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you (unless you are an arrogant bragger – stop that!). They often have insecurities and it helps them to feel better about themselves if you are unhappy. They may have control issues and getting you down a peg or two assists them in controlling you emotionally. Self doubt is powerful and allows us to be more easily led by others.
Those who want you to feel inferior are often unhappy within themselves. This is important to remember!
Look at the source
Those who want you to feel bad about yourself or less confident are either miserable within themselves or have many insecurities. It has less to do with you and everything to do with them. Feel pity for them and realise they are projecting a tiny portion of their inner misery onto you. That is how they feel all the time. A happy person will not be motivated to make others feel miserable. Undoubtedly, the person trying to make you feel bad will have their faults too. No one is perfect. Shine the spotlight back on them.
Never allow others to define you
Only you can decide how you want to represent yourself to the world. Only you can choose how you wish to see yourself. You can choose to focus on what you don’t like or you can choose to treat yourself with compassion. Allow yourself to be lazy and selfish now and then. It’s okay. Other people will try to influence you and if they have their own agenda, they will try to bring you down but you never ever have to accept their version.. ever.
Ignore those that are judgemental and bigoted
Often, those that tend to judge you are people who are narrow minded and bigoted. They have rigid rules about the world and think in black and white terms. Research shows that people who tend to be black and white thinkers tend to be angrier, more judgemental and unhappier people in general – it makes sense. Ignore them and limit time with people like these as much as possible.
Nurture self belief
The more you live according to your values, the stronger your outlook and confidence will be. When you like yourself, you are generally more resilient to criticism from others. Remind yourself regularly of why you are proud of yourself. When you have this way of thinking, it becomes harder for others to sway your thinking about yourself.
There are enough epople in this world with negative agendas. You need to look after yourself and do all you can to preserve your self esteem and self belief. Take what others say with a pinch of salt. No one is perfect and those that are negative are usually unhappy with themselves. Learn to dismiss their opinions and carry on regardless.
Mandy X
Photo by Allef Vinicius on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
