No One Like You

There’s No One Like You

One thing that I have found to be extremely common amongst my clients is self doubt and a lack of self love. There are two ways that I test this. I sometimes compliment a client if they are wearing something flattering or they are looking well and nine times out of ten, the recipient of my compliment will look away and make some excuse to negate what I have said. Most people find it very difficult to accept a compliment. The second ‘test’ is to ask a client to list five things that they like about themselves. Again, the common response is a blank look and lots of “ums” and “aahs”. Most people find it difficult to spontaneously list good things about themselves. This is a worrying state of affairs as it indicates that most people don’t have a positive inner dialogue and have some sort of mental block towards liking themselves. Positive self regard definitely doesn’t seem to be the default position.

When I talk to clients about how important it is to like themselves, I often get the argument that it will seem arrogant. Again, this is a common misconception. Being arrogant means that you believe you are better than others, loving yourself means that you feel you are just as good as anyone else and really like who you are. When you are happy in your own skin, this self confidence exudes into everything you do and others pick up on it mostly through your non verbal language. The way you stand the way you treat others – people accept you as a person who is obviously worth getting to know, they don’t ask you to show your credentials to back up your confidence.

Think about it – there is no one on this planet that is exactly like you. You are meant to be here and there is a purpose for your life. You owe it to yourself to make the best of your time here and to give yourself the best possible life – this isn’t possible without a healthy dose of self love.

Right now, write down ten things that you like about yourself/ten strengths that you possess. There is no one like you – what makes you unique?

Here are a few examples to get you going:

• Great company
• Good sense of humour
• Kind
• Tolerant

Never ever criticise yourself. Instead of inner dialogue such as “I am stupid” or “I am fat and ugly”, reframe these statements something like this:

“I am stupid” —“I may not know everything but I will find out what I don’t know. No one knows everything and what is the definition of “stupid” anyhow?”

“I am fat and ugly” — “I may be having a bad day and there are things about myself I would like to improve but I accept myself as I am – a work in progress”.

Back yourself 100% and if you don’t, ask yourself why not. It can only benefit you if you like yourself. When you like yourself you expect good things to happen and self worth acts as a fantastic antidote to abusive behaviour from others. Self love acts as a safeguard,  you expect to be treated well.

Remember that there is no one like you – celebrate the person you are, faults and all…

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.