If you’re in a long-term relationship, you might be thinking it’s time to think about living together. Whether it’s your first time cohabiting with someone or you’ve done it before, it’s no secret that moving in together is definitely a big deal.
For most people moving in with someone isn’t just about the convenience, along with it is often the view that this is making more of a commitment up to and including marriage and children. There is a lot of couples that see moving in together as a way to test the level of commitment for marriage and a way to help avoid divorce later down the road. There is a huge debate on whether this actually works or not. However, you shouldn’t let any of this drive your decision to move in together.
To make sure you are making the right choice, you need to make sure there is good communication between you and your partner, and there are some clear signs that it might be the right time below:
You Both Know That You Are Exclusive
Ok, so most people take it as you are exclusive if you live together but this isn’t the case for everyone. This is definitely a conversation that you need to have. If you’re both on the same page and are exclusive then moving on together is a good idea. It’s far too easy for relationships to smooth over these kinds of talks so, it’s important to consider it before making the move.
You Have A Clear Understanding Why
When you plan to move in with your partner you need to understand why you are doing it. You shouldn’t be moving in just because you think it’s the ‘norm’, because your partner is ready or because you just think it’s the next step in the relationship. If you have the understanding that you want to do it because you’re ready, you feel it’s right and because you do want to take the next step then it could mean it’s the right time.
You’ve Spoken About The Future
Many couples see living together as the next step towards marriage, however, not everyone does, and it definitely doesn’t help if you make these assumptions. You don’t need to be on the exact same page as each other but you should know what page each of is on.
You’re Not Doing It Because You Hope It Changes Your Partner
It’s clear that cohabiting is a pretty big step. It also calls for a big gut-test. If you’re hoping that your partner will become a better communicator or they will become more focused on the future by moving in together, you shouldn’t use these as reasons to move in together.
You’ve Already Had A Huge Fight
Although fights aren’t pleasant and can sneak up on you, they are a natural and important part of becoming strong and being one as a couple. Having some disagreements under your belt before you move in is actually a positive rather than a negative.
You Have Similar Wants In Your New Home
Ok, so you’re not going to agree completely on every single aspect of the home that you choose, but you should be able to agree and fall in love with your home together. Whether you look for a condo for sale, want an apartment, or a family home if you’re planning for the future, you should discuss and hopefully agree on the type of home you want. Some people look into the average rent in Oklahoma whereas others want to buy or rent in Chicago – every couple has unique needs and so do the individuals in a relationship. Compromise is key.
You Don’t Mind Losing Some Independence
There is certainly a tonne of perks that come with living with the right person, however, you need to be prepared and well aware that you will lose some independence from living with someone. You won’t have control over the remote, you will have to split to house chores and you will have to share the time in the bathroom.
You Can Talk About Finances
If you’re in a relationship with someone and you’re ready then there will be no problems talking about your finances. Even if your finances are terrible and you’re trying to fix mistakes from when you were younger, speaking about them and feeling comfortable to talk through them with your partner is a good sign you might be ready to move in together. Ideally, any money issues should be ticked off before you think about marriage.
If you’ve thought about all the reasons for and against moving into together but can’t think of any good reasons why you shouldn’t move forward, then maybe you should start looking for your perfect little love nest as a couple.
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Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
