As we go through life, if we don’t take regular stock of our lives we can veer off track and begin to lose touch with our ‘essential selves’.
Our essential self is the person we are born as – pure and unconditioned by society and other people’s wishes. As we grow up we are told what we can and can’t do and we have to submit to the will of our parents. At the age of two, the word “no” is used often and this is part of the real self trying to maintain its essence. We soon get that ‘beaten’ out of us and learn to tow the line and fit in, not create waves.
The process of socialisation and conformity can lead us to lose ourselves and we can end up as adults who feel lost and directionless.
Here are ways to rediscover you:
1) Try hobbies that you used to enjoy as a child. Were you creative? What made you feel that ‘buzz’?
2) Tune out the noise from others and focus on what you enjoy doing. Sometimes, over time, we get brainwashed into believing we enjoy things that we don’t. Ensure that you aren’t taking on other people wishes more than your own. Don’t be passive in life.
3) Trust yourself more. Nurture self belief.
4) Spend time alone. Go for a walk in nature or meditate. Quiet time is important for perspective
5) Manage fear – push out of your comfort zone. When did you last feel really happy? When did you last laugh till it hurt? Tune into that. Find those situations again, if possible
6) Question your current beliefs. Are you restricting your life and your possibilities by taking heed of self limiting beliefs? We get told all sorts of things growing up and some of these stay with us into adulthood despite not serving us anymore. Be adventurous, try new things, meet new people…don’t back away from life. It is only through experimenting that we truly learn about ourselves.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
