Good tips to live by to navigate the tricky world of relationships:
1) A relationship shouldn’t be hard work. If you find it a hard slog to get along and feel relaxed around your partner, there’s an underlying problem that’s not being dealt with.
2) Watch how your partner treats waiting staff, shop assistants etc. Sometimes you can figure out how they treat others by watching them when they are off-guard. Overly friendly, ass-kissing behaviour could also be a concern.
3) A partner that is neither too affectionate and attentive nor constantly moody and miserable is the ideal choice. You won’t get the extreme emotional highs and lows but you will have a happier more stable life, one where you know where you stand.
4) Fast in, fast out. Take your time in the initial stages of a relationship. If it’s right, what’t the rush? You have the rest of your lives together…
5) Overly friendly, ass kissing behaviour can be a concern as it is often people who lack emotional intelligence who ‘go through the motions’ of how they think they should behave. This pretence cannot be kept up indefinitely and it won’t be long before they revert to type.
6) You should start to see warning signs in the behaviour of a new partner within 4 months. Don’t ignore it – it will only get worse.
7) Try not to bring old emotional baggage into a new relationship. See your new partner in a neutral way and try not to focus on every little thing. Keep an open mind, especially in the early stages.
8) Relationships thrive on: affection, quality time, helping each other out (acts of service), gifts and verbal affirmations (compliments). Give back as much as you can.
9) Communicate – don’t make assumptions or take things personally. Ask your partner directly and clear up any misunderstandings before they take on a life of their own.
10) Everyone wants to be loved. You’re likely to get a positive and appreciative reaction by making your partner feel good, loved and validated. Don’t do this at the expense of your own self esteem and confidence though.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
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