Rules of being assertive

Many of my clients and people that I meet in general tell me that they find it difficult to assert themselves and ask for what they want. It is human nature to want to please others and be liked but this backfires when we put the needs of others ahead of our own needs and become passive in the process.

I give the list below to my clients to remind them of their rights:

I have the right to:

1) Respect myself – who I am and what I do.

2) Respect my own needs as an individual – that is separate from what is expected of me in particular roles, such as ‘wife’, ‘husband’, ‘partner’, ‘son’, daughter’

3) Make clear “I” statements about how I feel and what I think – For example: “I feel very uncomfortable with your decision”.

4) Allow myself to make mistakes – Recognising that it is normal to make mistakes.

5) Change my mind – If I choose to.

6) Ask for “thinking it over” time – for example: when people ask you to do something, you have the right to say, “I would like to think it over and I will let you know by the end of the week.”

7) Allow myself to enjoy my successes – that is by being pleased with what I have done and sharing it with others.

8) Ask for whatI want – rather than hoping someone will notice what I want.

9) Recognise that I am not responsible for the behaviour of other adults.

10) Respect other people – and their right to be assertive and expect the same in return.

Photo by International Information Program (IIP)

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.