If we grow up in a dysfunctional environment, we rarely learn how to stick to our goals in a healthy way. When there is very little balance this affects a child’s development and their sense of stability. We learn negative patterns of behaviour by watching our parents and we can end up becoming adults with little sense of what is best for us. This negative backdrop can lead us to internalise negative and self limiting beliefs that prevent us from really going for what we want in life. We begin to believe that success is unattainable and settle for a lot less than we are capable of.
When we have average levels of self determination, our attempts at achieving goals are sporadic and self sabotage can become a part of the mix. Almost as if there is an underlying belief that we are somehow not worthy or do not really deserve success. Self determination is the ability to choose for ourselves and carve out a life for ourselves through our own choices. When these choices have been undermined by a difficult upbringing we can automatically be at a disadvantage.
Psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan developed a theory of motivation which suggests that people tend to be driven by a need to grow and gain fulfilment. The first assumption of self-determination theory is that people are activity directed toward growth. Gaining mastery over challenges and taking in new experiences are essential for developing a cohesive sense of self.
According to self-determination theory, people need to feel the following in order to achieve such psychological growth:
Competence:People need to gain mastery of tasks and learn different skills.
Connection or Relatedness: People need to experience a sense of belonging and attachment to other people.
Autonomous: People need to feel in control of their own behaviours and goals
The goal of self determination is to feel that who we can become is vital. Value yourself. Know yourself and plan ahead and you will be on the right path to self determination. Take action and watch self limiting beliefs. If you find yourself saying that you can’t do something, ask yourself why you think this way. Is there a real reason or are you engaging in negative thoughts?
Expect the best and get out there and DO something.