Are you too sensitive? Do you react to remarks made by others more often than not? There isn’t a clear cut boundary to help show us when we are being too sensitive so how can you tell when it is best to just let go and relax?
Just because someone says to you, “Stop being so sensitive” does not mean that you are being too sensitive. Often, snide critical remarks precede the words “stop being so sensitive”. It allows passive-aggressive behaviour to be deemed acceptable as it is thinly veiled with the ‘too sensitive’ label.
You are right to be wary of people who pull the “you’re so sensitive”, remark on you when you react unfavourably to something they have said. Healthy, balanced people would be mortified if they offended someone else. An emotional abuser, on the other hand, makes you doubt yourself and your reactions. They are highly skilled at playing on your weaknesses and vulnerabilities.
Be self aware and realise that when others ignore and undermine your feelings, they are manipulating you. Common statements such as “you are so sensitive” or “I was only joking” and tactics to neutralise their negative behaviour – pure and simple. If you hold yourself in high regard and have healthy self esteem you will instantly see these remarks and the type of people who use them for what they are: – people who are unhappy and projecting some of that negativity your way in a passive-aggressive way. These types of people are inept at managing their own emotions and they will make you pay for it.
Of course, there may be times when we are overly sensitive and this is when you need to look at the greater context. Do you get upset frequently and with multiple people in your life? If so, it may be an issue with you, hopefully one that is temporary. Keep perspective on this. If however, the greater context is that a particular person is the one that often upsets you and has done for quite a while – there is something else going on. Reject their attempts to demean you.
If someone upsets you, the correct response (even if they don’t agree with why you are upset) is to apologise and let you know it wasn’t their intention to upset you. If all you are getting is, “you are too sensitive”, this tells you that they have absolutely no regard for your feelings and the way their behaviour impacts upon you. This fits in the abusive category. Who are they to minimise your feelings? If you feel a certain way, it is important to acknowledge these feelings and talk about it. If your feelings are constantly ignored and ridiculed the relationship will be unlikely to last. If it does last, you will be living in misery.
Respect yourself enough to challenge emotionally abusive people. Let them know your feelings and communicate. If that doesn’t work, you may need to walk away to keep your spirit in tact.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
