Mental health, emotional wellbeing & personal development

Should I stay or Should I go?

How do you know when enough is enough? I’m going to give you a few pointers to help you do a health check on your relationship.
There is a theory that suggests we need five factors to give a relationship a good start.
These are:

1) Shared Values – such as how we see the world, what we feel is important in life. How we want to raise our children, cultural and moralistic ideals and so on.
2) Shared Commitment – do you both have the same future aspirations for your relationship?Do you see yourselves together in the longterm?
The above two factors are vital for relationship longevity..the following three factors are less essential but important nonetheless…

3) Physical Compatibility: Are your libidos matched? It doesn’t matter whether you want sex once a month or three times a day – as long as that suits both of you then there isn’t a problem. The problems arise when one of you feels dissatisified sexually and feels they are not getting enough/or too much.

4) Intellectual Compatibility: Are you similar in your intelligence levels? If one of you prefers soap operas and celeb magazines for the intellectual fodder whilst the other reads The Scientist magazine, it may cause issues at some point in the future.

5) Emotional Compatibility: Do you understand each other? Are your versions of reality similar or do you fail to understand your partners feelings and emotions?

Once you have the above five factors, it is akin to possessing the keys to the car. You can start up the engine but driving it well depends on skills such as negotiation, communication and compromise.

This may all seem rather clinical but it is just a guideline. It’s just as important to go with your instincts. If a relationship seems like hard work you need to ask yourself why this is? Are you trying to force it into being something it isn’t? Sometimes we are so desperate for love and a relationship that we fool ourselves into believing that the relationship can work when in fact it is doomed from the start.
Heed the warning signs and listen to your inner inclinations. I believe the saying “love is blind” – emotions work contrary to logic and we can talk ourselves into all sorts of destructive situations when we really should be heading for the nearest exit.

Mandy X

More on Mandy: The author of this blog lives in Surrey, UK and offers counselling to couples and individuals. All names have been changed to protect the identity of clients. Personal client stories shared in this blog have been published with prior permission from the relevant clients.