Dating someone who is selfish can take it’s toll on you emotionally. When your partner is too selfish for a relationship, there are clear behaviours to let you know what’s going on. You just have to know what to look for.

First of all, their general motto is “Me not we”. What do I want? What works best for me? They don’t enjoy considering others too much unless of course having others serves them in some way. If you are in a relationship with someone selfish, get used to not getting your emotional needs met on a regular basis.

Signs that your partner is too selfish for a relationship:

You are controlled by their many rules. These are relationship rules that aren’t applied equally to both people. This inequality creates resentment and anger and shuts down any possibilities for real, respectful and honest love.

When you’re with a high quality partner they care as much about your happiness as they do theirs. Selfish partners rarely consider your preferences.

You tend to ask them more about them and their day than they do about yours. This one sided dynamic can cause resentment and a sense of loneliness.

When you disagree, your partner is more concerned with defending their position than acknowledging your point of view,

They are egocentric and self absorbed. It’s all about their life and their goals. They spend very little time thinking of others.

They rarely do anything purely for your benefit. This is a narcissistic trait and selfish partners do share many of the same characteristics as a narcissist.

Compromise isn’t something they enjoy doing. “Compromise? How do you spell that?” Nope, not part of their vocabulary.

Your needs and wants are just as important as your partners and you will most likely grow resentful if your mate can’t create a healthy balance of compromise. You should look for a win-win outcome.

Putting up with selfish behaviour says more about your lack of love and respect for yourself than it says about your love for them. Selfish people are often saddled with a feeling of being inadequate underneath. They want to be able to do whatvere they wish but they also (selfishly) want someone to accept this and love them irrespectively.

How to cope with a selfish partner

Set clear boundaries. Have a calm chat and let them know how their selfish behaviour affects you. Let them know the specific actions that they take that make you feel they are selfish. Help them to identify their selfish behaviours.

Selfish people often don;t feel good enough underneath, so in order to get them to listen to you, add in some positives too. Mention their strengths and the things you do like as well. This will lead them to be more accepting of your suggestions.

Let them know what you expect from them. make it as clear and specific as possible.

Find other ways to receive the love and care that you need. Selfish people will only change if the consequence of NOT changing threaten them. If they don’t care enough, the selfishness will continue.

Self care, self love and your own goals are essential to keep you from going off the rails. They are going to follow their aspirations without consideration for you so it’s important that you have structure in your life too.

Don’t let resentment build up. Try to talk regularly and sort out problems as they arise.

Being in a relationship with a selfish partner is a challenge. Be brutal and decide whether you really can handle always having to sacrifice your own needs for a relationship where you will more often than not, feel second best.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.