When you apologise too much it sends a message to others that you can be manipulated and that you are unsure of yourself. Save apologies for when they matter most.
Identify patterns
Pay attention to when you apologise. Is there a pattern? Be aware of triggers for apologies. Is it when you are stressed, tired, or in the company of a particular person? Being more aware of your behavioural trends will help you cut down on the apologies that work against you.
Be more assertive
When you apologise, you are sending the message that you accept blame, that it’s your fault? If this continues, you will end up believing others have more rights than you. Apologise when you feel you have truly done something wrong, not to appease others or to be liked.
Look at core beliefs
It is very likely that if you apologise excessively that you have an underlying belief that you are not good enough and that others are somehow superior to you. Challenge these beliefs. How are they working for you? They aren’t. See a counsellor who offers cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to reframe noxious thinking.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your behaviour. Talk to yourself as you would a good friend. You have every right to be here and to have a differing opinion. Be bold, be brave and you will find there is less for you to be sorry for.
Your bill of rights
It is reasonable and proper for me….
To be treated with respect
To hold my own views and have them heard
To have my own feelings and have them taken seriously
To arrange my own priorities
To make mistakes
To change my mind
To choose not to answer questions that are personal or intrusive
To choose when and if to assert myself
To define and protect the physical space I need
To refuse without feeling guilty
To get what I pay for
To ask for what I want
To be given information (by doctors, lawyers, accountants etc) without being patronized
Any right I claim as my own, I extend to others Eg> I have the right to have my needs met and so do you.
Mandy X
Photo by Wiertz Sébastien
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
