Surviving Loss: You always have a choice
When you lose something important it can really knock you for six and change your ‘landscape’ immediately. Illness, death, the end of a relationship…there are many surprises that life sends all of us. I have been through experiences that have left long lasting impressions. At the time, the pain felt unbearable, a searing inescapable pain. A time when I would have done anything to fast forward life so that I could feel better again.
I wouldn’t wish those times on anyone but I thought it might be a good idea to write a post with tips on what to do to survive those awful times.
When you feel overwhelmed as if you cannot take anymore, remind yourself that you are more resilient than you realise. You can either either sink or swim. Sinking won’t do any good so focus on swimming!
Learning how to swim
Tell yourself that you will get through it. You are strong. You are brave and you CAN do it. You are not going to let this event destroy you. Focus on what is possible…
Be philosophical
Everything happens for a reason. You may not know the reason and it may seem completely unfair but looking at life in a philosophical manner will help your mindset, help you cope better.
Post traumatic growth
Every hardship in life teaches you something. All those tears and times when you stayed hidden under the duvet have helped to make you stronger and learn skills that will make you more resilient in the future. Unfortunately no one escapes suffering, we all get out turn. It’s not personal – it’s just the way life is.
Look after yourself
It’s so tempting to just go ‘mad’ and indulge in all the things that won’t make us better in the long term but might help in the short term. The urge is to drown our sorrows. There are no quick fixes. Focus on eating right, getting some exercise (great for stress) and don’t overdo it on the alcohol. Strive for balance and show yourself the compassion you deserve. Make time for yourself. You will have good days and bad days, learn to treat yourself kindly and patiently.
Don’t isolate yourself
The worst thing you can do it hide away. People are far more caring than you may realise but you will only find this out if you risk it and reach out. Maintain your connections with others. This can be a life saver when you are going through a time time. We all need emotional support. Everyone is bumbling through life, trying to figure it all out.
Do what you love
A sad or stressful event will drain you as it encompasses a lot of negative energy. Make sure you find ways to introduce some positive energy into your life – seeing movies, listening to music, watching a comedy, playing with animals, going for a walk etc..
Make a list of things you love doing and make time for them! Keep your mind busy and off your problems.
Keep busy
Deal with the things you need to, but once that has been put into action, try to keep busy instead of wallowing and overthinking. This will lead to self pity and negative thinking and you will feel worse. Don;t give your mind time to allow those negative, self critical and/or fearful thoughts to pester you and affect your mood. Your mind is very good at churning out thoughts – get used to dismissing them…having a thought does not mean it is true or that it deserves any attention.
Life rarely goes as planned but it doesn’t mean your life is over. Be patient, as the days pass you will find things easier. Use the above tips to help you and if you find that you are continuing to struggle, it may be useful to speak to a therapist/mental health professional to make sense of things.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
