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Facing your childhood

childhood

Even though you’re an adult, your childhood will always affect you. Many people mistakenly assume that when you become an adult, you are fully in control of your emotions and your decisions. The truth is, that your childhood creates filters through which you interpret the world around you. When you are born, you are a blank slate. You have no …

fickle minded

How to spot a fickle-minded person

It is not hard to spot a fickle-minded person. They are the ones that continually change their minds. A fickle minded person never commits and they like to keep their options open. Their decision making skills are lacking and they can be infuriating to those around them. If you want an answer or a commitment, he fickle minded person will …

trauma as an adult

The face of trauma as an adult

Experiencing trauma as an adult has many similarities when comparing how adults behave after experiencing childhood trauma. This post identifies the typical patterns that emerge from childhood trauma. The experience is related to trauma lived by a female, however many adult males are affected by trauma during their adult lives as well. What is trauma? Trauma is a powerful and …

perfect selfie

Why we all need to stop pretending

We live in a crazy world where we need to stop pretending in order to be happier and healthier. Below the surface, everyone has problems. Whether the problems relate to relationship issues, financial worries, health concerns, a lack of self-confidence, addiction, anxiety or depression etc, we all have our cross to bear. So why is it that we pretend that …

mentally healthy

10 ways that your mental health affects your daily life

Decision making When you are engaged in healthy functioning, your decisions tend to be based on reasonable and realistic variables. If you are depressed or anxious, it is highly likely that your thought processes are unhealthy and possibly even dysfunctional. At times when I have felt depressed, I have avoided making long-term decisions that would have a substantial impact on …

perfectionist

4 traits that make you a perfectionist

Most people think that being a perfectionist means that you do everything well and pay attention to detail but this isn’t necessarily the full picture. There is a lot more to perfectionism than most people think and it’s quite a complicated pattern of thinking and behaving. Many people think that perfectionism means you want to do everything really well and …

control

The illusion of control

Control is a myth We all want to be in charge of our lives and feel safe. We like to feel we are in charge of our lives and have choices. In other words, we seek to influence others and our surroundings in order to feel safe. Ultimately, it’s all about feeling safe. Most of us have an intolerance to …

perfectionist

Am I a perfectionist?

I get many clients asking me, “Am I a perfectionist?”. Many of my clients who suffer from perfectionism (yes, suffer – it causes a lot of unnecessary stress) don’t recognise it in themselves. When we have views about perfectionism we will invariably want to keep doing things that we feel help us to keep on top of things. Underyling perfectionism …

Perfectionism and low self esteem

There is often a correlation between perfectionism and low self esteem. Perfectionists base their self worth upon their level of achievement. If they aren’t successul and achieving, they feel worthless. How sad is that? They find the concept of seeing themselves as worthy just be existing completely alien. So they continually strive to achieve. There is nothing wrong with ambition …

Are you a perfectionist?

Are you a perfectionist?   The above is the cognitive behavioural formulation for perfectionism. CBT therapists use this to explain the behaviour of a client who displays perfectionistic tendencies. Of course, every client is unique but when it comes to perfectionism, there are some behaviours and trends that tend to be similar. Such as the wish to strive and achieve …