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How to deal with your inner bully

self-love

We all have an inner bully. It’s constantly by our side telling us how lousy we are, reminding us that we aren’t good enough and generally making us feel inferior. One way of coping with disappointment and our ‘inner bully’ is to learn to be compassionate to the self. This requires a number of things of us: 1.Valuing compassion Some …

Your Self-Talk Could Lead to Depression

New book on self-talk and depression The new book by Debra Atlas offers useful insight into how your inner dialogue with yourself can create depression. When you continually talk to yourself in a negative way or criticise yourself, you inadvertently activate your body’s alarm system. It tells your body to be aware for ‘threat’. This threat isn’t physical, it’s emotional. …

impostor syndrome

77% of the UK Experience This Work-Related Syndrome

You may read the phrase “imposter syndrome” and be surprised that there’s a phrase for something you feel without realising it’s a common thing. Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough for the career you have? Do you doubt yourself and feel like an imposter in the workplace? Do you have a nagging feeling that you’re winging it? …

Khloe Kardashian unfiltered

Three reasons why you don’t accept yourself

I’m frequently concerned about how many clients I see who are not happy with themselves. The bottom line is that we have to live with ourselves for the rest of our lives. It’s just me, myself and I. No matter how many friends or family you have, there will still be things you need to face alone and find a …

thinking

7 ways you will get it wrong today

You probably don’t even realise when you get it wrong. Your patterns of thinking are so habitual that your brain is often in automatic mode. Your brain has had a lot of practice in processing information and cognitive shortcuts are common as a way for our brain to cope with excessive amounts of information. When I chat to clients (as …

self criticism

How self-criticism works

Here’s a great story I came across recently about self-criticism and the negative inner voice (in our head).. A teacher came into her class and wrote the following on the board… 9×1= 7 9×2= 18 9×3= 27 9×4= 36 9×5= 45 9×6= 54 9×7= 63 9×8= 72 9×9= 81 9×10= 90 When she was done, she looked to the students and they were ALL laughing at her for getting the …

thoughts and reality

How your thoughts distort reality

There are many instances where an individual’s thoughts represent an inaccurate view of reality. In fact, I have seen many clients who have thought one thing about a situation and when we have reviewed the evidence, we have both seen how the client’s thoughts have not been a correct reflection of reality. It’s a sad state of affairs when you …

negative thoughts

Negative automatic thoughts

Did you know that you have negative automatic thoughts (NAT’s) every single day? We all do. Whether it’s chastising ourselves over being late, spilling our tea/coffee or just making an error in judgement, we all do it to a certain degree. Think about the long term effects of talking negatively to yourself. That continuous inner stream of negative self talk. …

compare and despair

Compare and despair

I wanted to write this post about the unhelpful habit of “compare and despair”. We all do it and inevitably it leads to feelings of inadequacy or a feeling that you are missing out. You know yourself well, you are well aware of your weaknesses and less desirable traits. What we tend to do is look at our “behind the …

self compassion

A ‘must have’ for modern life

There really is one thing you must have for modern life. When you consider how many demands are placed upon you and time constraints, modern life can be draining. Without this one thing, life can be much harder. The sad thing is that in Western culture, this one thing is often seen as self-indulgent. The must have for modern life …