There are people who like to play the victim. They use phrases such as “I am this way because of what my parents did to me” or “I can’t be happy without you”. What these people don’t realise is that they are giving their ‘power’ away to others. They are basically admitting that other people make them happy or sad and that they are passive puppets in their own lives.
This is nonsense. As hard as it may be to take on board, we are all responsible for our own lives and happiness. It is distorted thinking to believe that others must make us happy or provide comfort or happiness. No one can really do that but ourselves. Some clients tell me that they don’t know how to do this for themselves.
The easiest way to make yourself happy is to get know yourself well. Find out what your triggers are for putting a spring in your step. we all have things we enjoy doing that make us feel good. Know what these are.
It serves no purpose to expect or want others to behave in a certain way to meet our needs. This type of expectation is bound to lead to disappointment somewhere along the line. Of course, it is perfectly natural to want to spend time with others but it not be a requirement before the state of happiness can exist. That is all about-face.
Happiness is a choice and for those of you who doubt this – read Viktor Frankl’s “Man’s Search for Meaning” – an extreme but brilliant depiction of man’s spirit over circumstance.
Our perceptions of the world can help us or hinder us. We can let the negative triggers overwhelm us and believe that the world is against us and that there is no point to life or we can hold our heads up high, tell ourselves that we won’t give in and that life will get better. Optimism is infectious…see the happy side of life, be grateful and be kind.
Don’t blame others for where you are in life. Look back and realise that all your past decisions have led you to be right where you are today. All the decisions you make today and from here on in will create your future….
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
