1) Champion yourself and believe in your self. Never ever criticise yourself and or talk negatively to yourself or about yourself to others. Its okay to acknowledge that you may be impatient or lazy..we are all human but do not engage in self talk such as “I am a failure, I am useless I am worthless” These are pervasive statements that are all encompassing..no one is ALWAYS useless or unloveable etc. and I’ll bet if you really think about it you will find examples of when this hasn’t been true. There must be a time when someone loved you, there must be a time when you did something useful.
SEPARATE you, the person, from what you DO – you can try something that fails but that just means what you tried didn’t work. That particular action was unsuccessful. It is completely irrational to then label You, the person as a failure..and anyway – WHAT is your definition of failure?? Failure to me is giving up completely. It means not trying at all…so as long as I am trying and (possibly)failing, I am not a failure…treat yourself as you would a dearly beloved person in your life. You owe it to yourself. This is non negotiable!
2) Step out of your comfort zone regularly and face your fears. This is the best way to grow as a person , learn your strengths and weaknesses and become a more rounded person. Stay small and fearful and you will remain in your little shell, frightened of the world. Ask yourself what is the worst that can  happen. Don’t let fearful thoughts and self doubt stop you…just get on with it. Give it some thought but don’t think too much because this can lead to ‘analysis paralysis’.
3) Care less what others think. Live your life for you. You must be responsible for yourself and live with your decisions, not those that judge you or tell you that you can’t do something. They have their own lives to live and their own decisions to make. They take their eye off the ball when they worry too much about what others are doing and not enough about their own goals and aspirations. Don’t be like them.
4) Seek out inspiration – whether its other people, solitude, nature, reading, exercise..whatever gives you a buzz..make time for it. Time out from life to recharge is vital. It allows us time to take stock, check that we’re on track and living the life we want (or are on the right path at least). Life can drain our resources and we need to be aware of ‘topping up’ regularly.
5) Develop a good social support network. We need others and we need a shoulder to cry on. To know we are cared for. Nurture relationships. Give and take. Connect with others to really feel alive and understood – it’s a great feeling. Be on the ball with what’s going on in the world. Don’t isolate yourself.
6) Stand up for yourself. Be assertive. Have conviction about right and wrong. Others may try to push you around, manipulate you and foist their desires upon you. Don’t be a people pleaser – think about why and whether it works for you in the long run. Compromising is good but not at the expense of self worth or dignity.
7) Develop a strong inner sense of who you are. What kind of person are you? One that gossips about others and puts on a fake smile and pretends to be someone they aren’t? Or are you someone who stays true to who they are regardless of the company they keep? Don’t change who you are to fit in..be true to you always!
8) Give back to the community – sense of purpose. Donate to charity, whatever you want to do but give back something. Spread goodwill and kindness. Not only will it make you feel good about yourself but you will be fulfilling a promise that you once made to yourself to make a difference.
9) Cultivate a sense of humour. See the funny side of life, be silly..take the pressure off yourself. Who made the rules anyhow? You do! Stop conforming, have a giggle and find fun wherever you go.
10) Be optimistic. Try to see the positive. Acknowledge the negative but dont let it bog you down. You can make life happy or sad – you choose with your thinking. Make thinking work for you.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
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