The Rules of being Assertive are simple…
I have the right to:
- Respect myself- who I am and what I do.
- Recognise my own needs as an individual – that is separate from what is expected of me in particular roles, such as “wife”, “husband”, “partner”, “son”, “daughter”.
- Make clear “I” statements about how I feel and what I think. For example, “I feel very uncomfortable with your decision“.
- Allow myself to make mistakes. Recognising that it is normal to make mistakes.
- Change my mind, if I choose.
- Ask for “thinking it over time”. For example, when people ask you to do something, you have the right to say, “I would like to think it over and I will let you know by the end of the week“.
- Allow myself to enjoy my successes, that is by being pleased with what I have done and sharing it with others.
- Ask for what I want, rather than hoping someone will notice what I want.
- Recognise that I am not responsible for the behaviour of other adults.
- Respect other people and their right to be assertive and expect the same in return.
| Task: Think about how much you believe each of these rules. How much do you put them into practice in your own life at the moment? I have the right to: | Do I believe this rule is true? | Have I applied this in the last week? |
| 1. Respect myself | Yes No | Yes No |
| 2. Recognise my own needs as an individual independent of others. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 3. Make clear “I” statements about how I feel and what I think. For example, “I feel very uncomfortable with your decision“. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 4. Allow myself to make mistakes. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 5. Change my mind. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 6. Ask for “thinking it over time“. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 7. Allow myself to enjoy my successes. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 8. Ask for what I want, rather than hoping someone will notice what I want. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 9. Recognise that I am not responsible for the behaviour of other adults. | Yes No | Yes No |
| 10. Respect other people and their right to be assertive and expect the same in return. | Yes No | Yes No |
It’s often hard to follow the rules of being assertive. Start small and work your way up. You will find that when you are assertive, more often than not, people will listen and respond well. They will even respect you more! You will find you end up with more confidence and respect yourself more too.
Mandy X
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
