There are universal rules that apply to rejection. The rules of rejection can be seen as a good thing because it shows that we all face rejection – it’s almost like an initiation into the human race. I don’t know of any adult who hasn’t faced rejection of some sort. So, considering that rejection is something we all experience, it pays to adopt a healthy attitude towards rejection. Instead of blaming ourselves and feeling bad about ourselves – perhaps we could all see rejtion as something other than personal failure…
The rules of rejection
Rejection is indiscriminate. It doesn’t affect a specificl culture or race. Nor does it solely affect a specific socio-economic group. It literally happens across the board. Wer all face rejection in some way – whether it’s rejection by a loved one, a rejection from a group or society. It therefore doesn’t fit the truth that only people who are inadequate in some way get rejected. It’s a game of numbers..your turn will be at some time or another.
In other words, rejection affects everyone. It’s a part of life, don’t take it personally.
Being rejected doesn’t mean you are worthless or inadequate
I know people who are beautiful, handsome, successful, wealthy….all the positive traits you can think of to describe someone who seems happy and doing well in the world. Yet these same people have ALL experienced rejection. So that refutes the idea that being rejection is something you are doing wrong. This isn’t true.
When you are rejected by someone it isnt a direct indication that you are worthless. It may mean that they are a commitmentphobe, that they have their own issues. Never accept rejection as a sign that you are unloveable or not good enough – this is entirely faulty thinking. Rejection sucks and it doesn;t feel good but don;t add to the misery by blaming yourself or seeing yourself as not measuring up.
Rejection happens for so many reasons
It often has very little to do with the person who has been rejected and more to do the person rejecting: they just may not realise a good thing when they see it.
You can choose your attitude to rejection. Sure, you can let it crush you or you can pull up your big pants, accept it as one of life’s setbacks, accept that you are living the ups and downs of life, like the rest of us, dust yourself off and move forward. Do you choose thoughts such as : this proves I am unloveable/inadequate etc or do you choose to think more along the lines of – “Their loss. They truly didn’t get me or appreciate me and it is far better for me to find someone more suitable who I feel in tune with.”
Choose the right attitude to rejection
Which set of thoughts will work in your favour? What you to choose to entertain thought-wise is a choice.
I know it’s easier said than done but this is a crucial time to watch your ‘mental diet’ and to keep busy.
Ways to counteract the negative effects of rejection
Self compassion
Don’t make space for self criticism. Treat yourself with love, respect and kindness just as you would someone you cared immensely about. Why wouldn’t you treat yourself this way? You are all you have – you will be with yourself 100% of the time during your lifetime. It makes sense to like the person you are!
Mental health maintenance kit:
USE IMAGINE to keep yourself on track mentally!
IMAGINE
I = “I” Self care. Paper yourself, look after yourself. Nail care, hair care, moisturise, do some retail therapy etc
M = Mindfulness. Be in the moment.
A = Acceptance. Accept what is. Stop resisitng whatever it is that you can’t change
G = Gratitude. Focus on what is good in your life
I = Interact. Spend time with others. It’s a foolproof way to improve your mood and stave off depression.
N = Nurture fun and playfulness. Try not to take life too seriously. Smile and laugh wherever possible.
E + Explore. What’s going on for you? Do you notice patterns of behaviour/moods? Are they helpful/unhelpful/ Do some problem solving.
Protect yourself from the ugliness of life. Don’t let it grind you down. Rejection isn;t necessarily all bad. It can open doors you may have ignored previously. It may the the Universe’s way of pointing you in a new direction. Stay hopeful – keep looking forward…keep smiling.
Mandy X
Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash
Author: Mandy Kloppers
Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.
