There are many ways to improve confidence. Here are a few of the secrets of confident people:
1) Confident people rarely compare themselves unfavourably to others. People who lack in self-confidence automatically compare themselves negatively to others. They look for all the ways that they THINK others are better than them – this is irrational as we never really know what is going on in other people’s lives, let alone their thought processes.
Confident people follow their own ideas and don’t bother much with what others are doing.
2) Those with confidence focus on improving themselves and always watch how they talk to themselves. If they catch themselves thinking they’re not good looking enough, smart enough etc, they stop and challenge that thinking by asking questions such as: Who is smart enough? How do you decide when you are smart,pretty enough? Who says? Is it really true? How does it work for you to talk negatively to yourself (it doesn’t) and put yourself down. They replace this inner negative talk with kinder talk – like speaking to a best friend that they really care about.
3) Look after yourself, be kind to yourself and strive to improve your talents and strengths and minimise your weaknesses.
4)Try not to over think either – you will drive yourself crazy. Live life – get out there and stop being afraid. Who cares what other people think? Why would you want to make your life small in order to keep everyone else happy? Be bold – be yourself and you will see that your fears don’t come true (for example – that everyone will turn away from you and so on).
5)The more you take heed of your fears and don’t challenge them – the more real they become and the more power they have over you.
6) Live your life, care less and you will see how your confidence grows. Think about when you see someone else who seems to behave in a way that is confident – don’t you often wish you could be like that too? We don’t judge others and wonder who gave them permission to be so confident – we just buy into it.
7)You can do this too – part of it is “acting as if” . Shoulders back, eye contact and smile…seem approachable and friendly. When you behave in this way, your non-verbal communication gives off a different message – an “I am fun and open, come talk to me” message…it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We are far too conditioned by society, how to behave etc…too many people buy into this. Be yourself, follow your own path and be true to yourself. The more you do this, the more your confidence will grow and you will feel liberated.
We all have many aspects to our personalities – honour who you are..whether you are straight or bi or tall or short…it’s you and it’s what you should be proud of. Make sure you can look in the mirror and say to yourself “I like you”.
No one else can define you – only you can. So take no notice of what other people think. You will never be able to please everyone in the world so work on pleasing yourself and those that matter to you most.
I like this saying “in order for you to insult me, I would first have to respect your opinion”.
Look at the source- who are they to say things about you? Do you care? Are they perfect?
Look at your thinking, be brave and connect with your essential self – this is the path to confidence.
More on Mandy: http://www.mandyjane-lifedesign.com
The author of this blog lives in Surrey, UK and offers counselling to couples and individuals. All names have been changed to protect the identity of clients. Personal client stories shared in this blog have been published with prior permission from the relevant clients.