The time factor

There are some things in life that only the time factor can heal. A broken heart is one of them.There are some emotional experiences that you just can’t talk yourself out of, no matter how hard you try.

Why is it though that some people can get over hard times quicker than others?  What do they do differently? The simple answer to this is that some people have a better understanding or memory and thought. When we think about something, whether it is from the past of something about the future, that thought comes to life, as if it were happening now. The more detail and focus we give it, the more real it seems. The passage of time can have no relevance when dealing with something, other than to encourage us to forget it. There is no preset amount of time that will allow us to forget anything. If it was the passage of time that was the determining factor, we would all get over things within the same time frame.

Considering this, difficult times do not have to prevent us from enjoying our life now. This may seem flippant, but if we understand that it is our memory that is carrying the difficult events through time, we can stop frightening ourselves with our own thoughts.

It is our ability to let go and ‘forget’ as well as the passage of time that allows us to heal quicker. If we believe that we must go through a predetermined amount of time in order to feel better, we will ensure our own unhappiness. Understanding our ability to think allows us to see that thought, in itself, is harmless. The fact that we think something does not mean it is always worthy of our concern. Denial on the other hand, suggests a sort of prestending that er are not thinking about something, or that a problem doesn’t bother us. The two are not related.

When we understand the process of thought, it can lose it’s emotional hold of us as we learn to dismiss unhelpful thoughts. But if we deny  that we are thinking about something, we will still feel the effects of the thoughts we are denying – this is unhealthy avoidance. There is noe escaping thought, there is only understanding.

The feeling of oeace and contentment comes from being able to nurture a quiet mind.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.