How to be more confident

So, you want to be more confident… Start by realising that confidence is not something outside of yourself. You do not need that fancy car, that big house or a perfect body in order to feel confident. Confidence is not a commodity that you can acquire externally. Confidence is within you – it may appear as if it is in hiding most of the time but believe me when I say that confidence is a mind set.

Confident people possess boundless optimism. They are able to tell themselves positive stories about the world rather than dwelling on the negatives and possible things that can go wrong. That does not mean that things never go wrong for  optimists but they are better at nurturing “buffers”, a kind of immunity from negativity that serves them well.

Examples of  what confident people do not do:

1) Endless rehearsal

Confident people accept that things go wrong. Instead of endless ruminating over what went wrong what might go wrong they deal with things as and when they arise. Mental rehearsing is a form of mental torture when there is nothing that you can do about that which you are worrying about.

2) Confident people do not compare themselves to others

now and then comparing yourself to others can be useful but as a whole, confident people do not use comparing as a positive strategy. Confident people except where they are in life and who they are and the only comparing that they are engaging is looking at where they are now and how far they have come.

3) Confident people don’t focus on the weaknesses and shortcomings

People who lack confidence also tend to lack self belief. Due to the way they look at life, people with low confidence tend to underachieve in every life area. Work against this by asking yourself why you do not like, respect or approve of yourself. List your strengths, remind yourself regularly of your positive achievements. You can believe anything you want to but yourself… So what do you want to believe?

4) Don’t play the victim

Confident people take responsibility for their lives and their decisions. They just give away their personal power by blaming others for their circumstances. They are fully aware that they are where they are due to past decisions they have made.when you think this way you acknowledge that you have the power to change your circumstances.

5) Don’t engage in negative self talk

It is impossible to enjoy a positive life when your mind is filled with negative thoughts. Do you feel positive about the future? Are you happy with you? Do you possess hope? The the world of childlike wonder and look for the good in everything. When you focus on what you do want you are more likely to find it.

When you understand that confidence is an attitude and that the thoughts you choose either promote or destroy confidence, you will see that it is possible to nurture self acceptance. Surely there is no choice, think positively and enjoy positive emotions which promotes a happier life or allow negative thinking to create misery and a sad life. It makes sense to choose the former.

Mandy X

Author: Mandy Kloppers

Mandy is a qualified therapist who treats depression, anxiety, OCD, PTSD, trauma, and many other types of mental health issues. She provides online therapy around the world for those needing support and also provides relationship counselling.